Blog

What Happens When We Don’t Manage Stress Effectively?

In small doses, stress can actually be useful as it helps you to stay focused, alert and increases energy. But when stress becomes chronic though, it can damage your health, mood and relationships. Basically,  your overall quality of life!

Stress is sneaky! It can easily creep up on you so that being frazzled and overwhelmed starts to feel normal. You may not even recognize how much it is affecting you so it is really important to recognize the signs and symptoms of stress and then take steps to stop feeling so overwhelmed.

Six Ways To Reduce Stress and Stop Worrying

So now you have identified how stress effecting you, let’s look at ways to feel less stressed and worried.

1. Stop The Adrenaline

When you are stressed, adrenaline runs through your body. Your heart beats fast, your body tenses up and one very important effect is that your thoughts race. Racing thoughts make thinking clearly difficult and that is when you get overwhelmed and stressed. Doing a quick breathing exercise clears your thoughts and lets you take a time out so you can come back to the situation and deal with it calmly.

1. Take a slow breath in through the nose, breathing into your lower belly so you feel it inflate like a balloon (for the count of 4)
2. Hold your breath for 1 or 2 seconds
3. Exhale slowly through the mouth so that you are pushing out the air in the “balloon” and you feel your belly suck in (for the count of 5)
4. Make sure the exhale breath is one or two counts longer that the inhale breath as this activates a greater relaxation response.
5. Wait a few seconds before taking another breath

Deep breathing triggers the stimulation of the vagus nerve which is a nerve running from the base of the brain to the abdomen. The vagas nerve then emits a chemical (the neurotransmitter acetylcholine) and that dampens our nervous system, lowering heart rate, relaxes muscles and most importantly, stops your thoughts from racing so you can think straight. As a psychologist I have been telling people the benefits of deep breathing for over 20 years but it is only the past few years with the advances of brain imaging that we know how the process works.

More details about how and why this works can be found in my blog post A Simple Way To Keep Calm

 
 
 

2. Get Enough Sleep

Getting more sleep sounds easy in theory, but so many people find it hard to achieve. It is the most important thing to change if you are feeling stressed though. The average amount of sleep needed by adults for their body and mind to be fully rested is around seven hours a night. This of course can vary but you know you aren’t getting enough when your mood is negatively affected. Lack of sleep can stop you thinking clearly, wrecks productivity and can alter your mood significantly. The “walking tired” anger more easily, have problematic relationships and are less likely than those who sleep well to exercise, eat healthfully, and engage in fun leisure activities; all because they are too tired.

What with work, errands and seeing to their family’s needs, women have so much to do that often they feel they can only get them done by staying up late. My clients also tell me they stay up late as it is the only way to get some “me time”.  Staying up late is probably not working for you though and improving your sleep is one of the best ways to improve the quality of your life. We need to work on being either more organized or less perfectionist about getting things done, knowing it’s okay to ask and expect help, and knowing it is totally necessary to have “me time”. But not at the expense of sleep!

I also have a lot more info on my blog post Sleep – Why It Is Important & How To Get It

 
 
 

3. Build In Time To Stop & Relax

I often hear my clients say “Come on, how on earth will I be able to make time for myself when I have so much to do?” and I always reply,  if you don’t look after yourself you won’t have the reserves to take care of all the other people in your life you take care of. When our reserves are low we’re cranky, overly sensitive and generally not as happy as we want to be. So please take some time each day, even if it only 10 minutes, to relax.

• Have a warm bath (not hot) as this will help your body reach a temperature that’s ideal for rest.
• Writing “to do” lists for the next day can organize your thoughts and clear your mind of any worrying thoughts that pop in to your head (more about that later…)
• Relaxation exercises, such as light yoga stretches, help to relax the muscles. Don’t exercise vigorously though, as it will have the opposite effect.
• Relaxation CDs can help as they use a hypnotic voice to guide you through muscle relaxation and soothing music and sound effects to relax your brain.
• Watching TV or any computer or phone screen keeps the brain engaged and active so it is harder to fall asleep. It is better to read a book or listen to the radio as that relaxes the mind by distracting it from the present worries.

4: Don’t Run Yourself Ragged

Say no! If you are a people-pleaser it is very hard to say no when someone asks you to do something, even if your schedule is already overwhelming. I suggest that you always say “let me get back to you on that” then actually ask yourself:

a) Do I want to do it?

b) Do I have time to do it without making myself overwhelmed?

It is usually easier to say no when you are not face to face with someone.
 

5. Stress Is Closely Related To Worry So Worry Less

So how do we worry less? Obviously easier said than done but the first step is to distinguish between worries that require your attention and worries that are unnecessary.

The following questions can help you clarify this:

“Can I do something about this problem?”

“Is this something I always worry about, but nothing ever happens?”

“Is this something that has a solution?”

“Will my worrying make this situation better or worse or have no effect at all?”

If there is something you can do about the problem, take action or consciously choose not to take action.

People often delay or avoid taking action or making decisions because they are worried about making a mistake.

If the situation is out of your control and there is nothing you can do, worrying does not make the situation better!

Tell yourself that your worries are not helpful and let them go. Again , I know this is easier said than done, but it can improve with practice.

It can help to challenge your thoughts about the worry and ask yourself:

“Where’s the evidence for that?” or

“What would be so bad about that?” or

“Is this problem so important that I should spend all my time thinking about it?”

To read more about reducing worry read The Number One Question That Helps Worrying

 
 
 

6. Reduce A Worry’s Power Over You

One very effective way to reduce a worry’s power over you is by getting the negative thoughts out of your head and on to paper. Being able to see the worry in black and white helps give you more perspective.

Study your worries by keeping a Worry Diary.

Write down what you fear might happen (be as specific as possible) and then later write down if what you were worried about actually happened, whether it was as bad as you expected, and what you did to cope with the situation.

This will help you understand your worries better, distinguish between worries that are useful and those that are useless, and help you realize that you can cope no matter what happens.

• Set aside some time during the day to worry— your “worry time”.  Select a time every day that is convenient for you and pick a suitable amount of time to worry (half an hour, one hour). Use this time to think about your worries and about possible resolutions. It can be helpful to write things down. It will take time to train yourself not to dwell on worries at other times of the day or night.

• Practice is key here. What you can do if you worry outside of the set aside time is to write the worry down and put it in a “worry box” (you can use an empty tissue box for this or write the worry in a list you keep on your smart phone). Then, when it’s your official worry time, you can look at your worries and deal with them appropriately.

• Keep a pen and a pad of paper for worries that come to you at night. Night worries can go round and around in our head as it seems so important at the time to remember them. This can cause adrenaline levels to start rising in your body which of course, keeps you awake and your thoughts racing more. Writing the worry down and then distracting yourself (read using a book light or do a relaxation techniques) calms you physically and mentally, allowing you to get to sleep.

I hope you find these 6 tips useful. If you would like to read more about ways to overcome anxiety and worrying please take a look at my free booklet.

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?

2. What should I do if I feel panicky?

3. How can I stop worrying about everything: my children, partner, friends, work, my “to do” list….
   

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

I see clients in my Northbrook office or for your convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions about how to reduce anxiety

please phone me at 847 791-7722 or

email me below

What is one of the most important things that effects our quality of life? Sleep! A good night’s sleep helps us think more clearly, be more productive and manage our mood better, especially our reactive emotions. This in turn make us feel good about what we have achieved and of course positively effects our relationships.

I have a little picture on the bookcase at my office that says “I am woman! I am tired…..” and it’s so true, many women are existing in a state of constant tiredness. This has a huge impact on our mood and increases both anxiety and depression symptoms.

We all know this, so why aren’t women making it a priority to get adequate sleep? After working all day, whether looking after small children or at the office, then seeing to the kids, dinner and evening routines, I often hear my clients say they stay up late because it is the only way to get everything done. Or it is the only time they can get time for themselves. It’s a vicious cycle though. The later you stay up, the harder it is to get going and the foggier you are.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) the “walking tired” anger more easily, have problematic relationships and are less likely than those who sleep well to exercise, eat healthfully, have sex and engage in fun leisure activities; all because they are too tired.

If we set up a good night-time routine then our every day “to do list” is much less daunting when we are refreshed! We may also need to work on being either more organized or more likely, less perfectionist, about getting things done, knowing it’s okay to ask and expect help, and knowing it is totally necessary to have “me time”. But not at the expense of sleep!

The National Sleep Foundation states “It’s not uncommon for people who don’t get enough sleep to be depressed or for people who are depressed to not sleep well enough.” This is very ‘chicken and the egg’. Who knows which comes first, but what we do know is that over time, impaired memory, mood and other functions become a chronic way of life. In the long term, this can affect your job and relationships.

So how can we improve sleep? Well, good intentions are not enough. You have to decide to try this for a week and I bet you will see some improvement in your overall mood.

Firstly, you need to keep regular sleeping hours. One or two nights of good habits is not enough to sustain postive change. A bedtime ritual teaches the brain to become familiar with sleep times and wake times and programs the brain and internal body clock to get used to a set routine. Most adults need between six and nine hours of sleep every night. By working out what time you need to wake up, you can work backwards and set a regular bedtime schedule.

Secondly, you can’t expect to “go, go, go”, then be able to fall straight to sleep. Winding down is a critical stage in preparing for bed.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember in getting enough sleep is that your needs are important and putting your need for sleep above the demands of others is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and those who are important to you.

Here Are Some Ways To Relax

Increase Body Temperature

• Have a warm bath as this will help your body reach a temperature that’s ideal for rest. Heating ourselves up (wearing bed socks does the same thing) increases serotonin levels and makes you feel calmer and more relaxed.

• Relaxation exercises, such as light yoga stretches, help to relax the muscles. Don’t exercise vigorously though, as it will have the opposite effect.

Do A Quiet, Non-Stimulating Activity

• It is really important to avoid screens of any kind about an hour before trying to sleep. Computers, TV, phones, tablets etc. emit a type of light that is very stimulating to the brain. Here’s the science behind why. Our brain secretes the hormone melatonin to regulate our sleep-wake cycle. It should secrete more in the evening, when it’s dark, to make you sleepy, and less during the day when it’s light and you want to stay awake and alert. Blue light (the type of light from television, computers, phone etc.) is especially stimulating and can make your brain think that it’s still daytime so it doesn’t secrete melatonin.

• If you wake up at night and can’t get back to sleep for more than 15 minutes try doing a quiet, non-stimulating activity, such as reading a book. Keep the lights dim so as not to cue your body clock that it’s time to wake up, a little book light is perfect. Don’t be tempted to read your emails!

Relax Your Body & Stop Over-thinking

• The key to getting to sleep (or back to sleep in the middle of the night) is to cue your body for sleep by lying in a relaxed position. Hard as it may be, try not to stress over the fact that you’re awake or your inability to fall asleep again, because that very stress and anxiety encourages your body to stay awake. A good way to stay away from over-thinking things is to focus on the feelings and sensations in your body.

• Make relaxation your goal, not sleep. If you find it hard to fall back asleep, try a relaxation technique such as visualization, deep breathing, or meditation, which can be done without even getting out of bed. Remind yourself that although they’re not a replacement for sleep, rest and relaxation still help rejuvenate your body.

• Relaxation CDs can help as they use a hypnotic voice to guide you through muscle relaxation and soothing music and sound effects to relax your brain. Ask me for my free CD which has 3 progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) exercises on them which range from 10 – 20 minutes long. If you tend to be anxious anyway, it is good to practice progressive muscle relaxation during the day to re-set your emotional levels throughout the day. Practice also makes it easier to do at nighttime if you need it. If you don’t have a CD to listen to, start with your toes, tense them as you breath in, hold, and relax them as you breathe out. Work your way up and around your body, tensing and relaxing. If you are still awake after going all the way round, start again at your toes….

• Go to your “happy place”. Yes, this really works! Visualizing places you associate with a sense of peace, slows down your breathing and distracts your mind from whatever is keeping you awake. Or if you enjoy doing something, imagine yourself going through the steps i.e. if you like to do yoga, picture yourself going through the sequence of poses you do in class or the steps it takes to bake your favorite cake.

• Often night time is the first time that day that you have stopped being busy and so your brain starts dwelling on things that have happened, often giving them more importance that they really warrant. Give yourself some time earlier in the evening to process your thoughts about events that have worried or upset you and decide whether you need to take action or not. If the worries still persist acknowledge and then release each worry as it occurs to you i.e. visualize writing the worry on a balloon and in your imagination watch it floating away.

Why Does A Problem Seem So Much Worse At Night?

• Spending time earlier in the evening to write “to do” lists for the next day can organize your thoughts and clear your mind of any worrying thoughts that might pop in to your head just before sleep or in the middle of the night. These types of thoughts can seem so very important in the still of the night. We start wondering about how an upcoming event will play out and the primitive ‘alarm bell’ part of our brain called the amygdala whips our idle ruminations into urgent matters that need to be dealt with straight away. This process is called cognitive fusion and it starts an adrenaline rush in the body that makes our muscles tense, breathing more shallow and we start to catastrophize, making everything a bigger deal than it needs to be. This of course prevents getting back to sleep.

• Deal with cognitive fusion by keeping a notebook next to your bed and if these types of thoughts are keeping you awake, put on a little night light, write them down so you can tell yourself you won’t forget them and they can wait until morning for you to deal with them. Then do one of the relaxing strategies detailed above.

Every night we wake briefly at the end of a 90-120 minute sleep cycle. Insomnia happens when you habitually start worrying about things during that momentary wake-up period. If you have tried the strategies above but anxiety is keeping you from getting to sleep or waking you up in the middle of the night, read more about challenging worries in my free booklet.

 

I have put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

 If you have questions after reading this article or the booklet or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.

I see clients in my Northbrook office or if it is more convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions after reading this article or want to know more about anxiety or depression treatment

please phone me at 847 791-7722 or

email me below

If you found this information helpful please share it using one of the social media icons below.

If you would like to see my future blog posts please go to the very top of my website and link to me by “Liking” my Facebook page or join me on Twitter, Google+ or LinkedIn.