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Depression

If You Want To Be Happy DON’T Do These Things!

by Dr. Sarah Allen
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11 Interesting Things That Happy People Never Do

I was recently interviewed by Bustle.com, a great website that describes itself as written for women by women that delivers everything you might want to know, see, and read right now!  The website is definitely worth a look and has lots of good articles. Anyway, they were writing an article about things happy people never do and asked me for suggestions.  I have to say I have never thought about happiness that way, I tend to give advice about what people can do to make themselves happier rather than what not to do, but after some thought I came up with four suggestions.

Below are the 4 tips I suggested and if you would like to read the whole article the link is below. The other 7 tips were good too and I’d love to know what you think, do you agree or perhaps there are other things you think happy people never do?

So if you want to be happy DON’T DO THESE THINGS!

 

Say Yes To Everything

It’s important to spend time with your friends and family, and sometimes you have obligations you are better off attending, but happy people don’t say yes to every single thing they’re asked to do. “We tend to say yes to things we don’t want to do or have time for because we don’t want to upset someone or have them not like us,” says psychologist Dr. Sarah Allen over email. “But if you are always saying yes, it leads to being over-scheduled, tired, and cranky.”

Neglect Sleep

Sleep is important for more than just not feeling tired. “Not getting enough sleep can over time affect mood and impair memory and attention,” says Allen. “It is not uncommon for people who don’t get enough sleep to be depressed and when chronic lack of sleep becomes a way of life, it can negatively affect your job and relationships.”

Involve Themselves In Drama

“If you are content, there is no need to make yourself and the people around you feel riled up,” says Allen. “Creating drama fills a void, whether it’s because you’re sad, bored or just want to feel better about yourself by making others miserable. Happy people try to sort out potential conflicts before they blow up out of control.”

Take The Positive Things For Granted

“Happy people never take the positive things that happen to them for granted,” says Allen. “Unhappy people tend to ignore the positive and notice the bad things that have happened, and also tend to ignore the positive influence we have over things and events.” I always suggest keeping a gratitude journal to help you notice the good things that happen during the day rather than focusing on the negative.

 

11 Interesting Things That Happy People Never Do

by Carina Wolffe, Bustle.com

If you would like to download a free copy of my booklet called Simple Steps To Improve Mood please enter your email below and then check your email for the link.  I also have free booklets about overcoming Anxiety, Depression and Emotional Eating in the Simple Steps series. Click the links or check my Homepage for details.

SIMPLE STEPS TO IMPROVE YOUR MOOD ebook

 

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If you feel anxiety is standing in the way of you leading the life you want to, call me on 847 791-7722 or via the email form below.

 

Sleep – Why It’s Important & How To Get It!

by Dr. Sarah Allen
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Sleep why important

What is one of the most important things that effects our quality of life? Sleep! A good night’s sleep helps us think more clearly, be more productive and manage our mood better, especially our reactive emotions. This in turn make us feel good about what we have achieved and of course positively effects our relationships.

I have a little picture on the bookcase at my office that says “I am woman! I am tired…..” and it’s so true, many women are existing in a state of constant tiredness. This has a huge impact on our mood and increases both anxiety and depression symptoms.

We all know this, so why aren’t women making it a priority to get adequate sleep? After working all day, whether looking after small children or at the office, then seeing to the kids, dinner and evening routines, I often hear my clients say they stay up late because it is the only way to get everything done. Or it is the only time they can get time for themselves. It’s a vicious cycle though. The later you stay up, the harder it is to get going and the foggier you are.

According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) the “walking tired” anger more easily, have problematic relationships and are less likely than those who sleep well to exercise, eat healthfully, have sex and engage in fun leisure activities; all because they are too tired.

If we set up a good night-time routine then our every day “to do list” is much less daunting when we are refreshed! We may also need to work on being either more organized or more likely, less perfectionist, about getting things done, knowing it’s okay to ask and expect help, and knowing it is totally necessary to have “me time”. But not at the expense of sleep!

The National Sleep Foundation states “It’s not uncommon for people who don’t get enough sleep to be depressed or for people who are depressed to not sleep well enough.” This is very ‘chicken and the egg’. Who knows which comes first, but what we do know is that over time, impaired memory, mood and other functions become a chronic way of life. In the long term, this can affect your job and relationships.

So how can we improve sleep? Well, good intentions are not enough. You have to decide to try this for a week and I bet you will see some improvement in your overall mood.

Firstly, you need to keep regular sleeping hours. One or two nights of good habits is not enough to sustain postive change. A bedtime ritual teaches the brain to become familiar with sleep times and wake times and programs the brain and internal body clock to get used to a set routine. Most adults need between six and nine hours of sleep every night. By working out what time you need to wake up, you can work backwards and set a regular bedtime schedule.

Secondly, you can’t expect to “go, go, go”, then be able to fall straight to sleep. Winding down is a critical stage in preparing for bed.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember in getting enough sleep is that your needs are important and putting your need for sleep above the demands of others is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and those who are important to you.

Here Are Some Ways To Relax

Increase Body Temperature

  • Have a warm bath as this will help your body reach a temperature that’s ideal for rest. Heating ourselves up (wearing bed socks does the same thing) increases serotonin levels and makes you feel calmer and more relaxed.
  • Relaxation exercises, such as light yoga stretches, help to relax the muscles. Don’t exercise vigorously though, as it will have the opposite effect.

Do A Quiet, Non-Stimulating Activity

  • It is really important to avoid screens of any kind about an hour before trying to sleep. Computers, TV, phones, tablets etc. emit a type of light that is very stimulating to the brain. Here’s the science behind why. Our brain secretes the hormone melatonin to regulate our sleep-wake cycle. It should secrete more in the evening, when it’s dark, to make you sleepy, and less during the day when it’s light and you want to stay awake and alert. Blue light (the type of light from television, computers, phone etc.) is especially stimulating and can make your brain think that it’s still daytime so it doesn’t secrete melatonin.
  • If you wake up at night and can’t get back to sleep for more than 15 minutes try doing a quiet, non-stimulating activity, such as reading a book. Keep the lights dim so as not to cue your body clock that it’s time to wake up, a little book light is perfect. Don’t be tempted to read your emails!

Relax Your Body & Stop Over-thinking

  • The key to getting to sleep (or back to sleep in the middle of the night) is to cue your body for sleep by lying in a relaxed position. Hard as it may be, try not to stress over the fact that you’re awake or your inability to fall asleep again, because that very stress and anxiety encourages your body to stay awake. A good way to stay away from over-thinking things is to focus on the feelings and sensations in your body.
  • Make relaxation your goal, not sleep. If you find it hard to fall back asleep, try a relaxation technique such as visualization, deep breathing, or meditation, which can be done without even getting out of bed. Remind yourself that although they’re not a replacement for sleep, rest and relaxation still help rejuvenate your body.
  • Relaxation CDs can help as they use a hypnotic voice to guide you through muscle relaxation and soothing music and sound effects to relax your brain. Ask me for my free CD which has 3 progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) exercises on them which range from 10 – 20 minutes long. If you tend to be anxious anyway, it is good to practice progressive muscle relaxation during the day to re-set your emotional levels throughout the day. Practice also makes it easier to do at nighttime if you need it. If you don’t have a CD to listen to, start with your toes, tense them as you breath in, hold, and relax them as you breathe out. Work your way up and around your body, tensing and relaxing. If you are still awake after going all the way round, start again at your toes….
  • Go to your “happy place”. Yes, this really works! Visualizing places you associate with a sense of peace, slows down your breathing and distracts your mind from whatever is keeping you awake. Or if you enjoy doing something, imagine yourself going through the steps i.e. if you like to do yoga, picture yourself going through the sequence of poses you do in class or the steps it takes to bake your favorite cake.
  • Often night time is the first time that day that you have stopped being busy and so your brain starts dwelling on things that have happened, often giving them more importance that they really warrant. Give yourself some time earlier in the evening to process your thoughts about events that have worried or upset you and decide whether you need to take action or not. If the worries still persist acknowledge and then release each worry as it occurs to you i.e. visualize writing the worry on a balloon and in your imagination watch it floating away.

Why Does A Problem Seem So Much Worse At Night?

  • Spending time earlier in the evening to write “to do” lists for the next day can organize your thoughts and clear your mind of any worrying thoughts that might pop in to your head just before sleep or in the middle of the night. These types of thoughts can seem so very important in the still of the night. We start wondering about how an upcoming event will play out and the primitive ‘alarm bell’ part of our brain called the amygdala whips our idle ruminations into urgent matters that need to be dealt with straight away. This process is called cognitive fusion and it starts an adrenaline rush in the body that makes our muscles tense, breathing more shallow and we start to catastrophize, making everything a bigger deal than it needs to be. This of course prevents getting back to sleep.
  • Deal with cognitive fusion by keeping a notebook next to your bed and if these types of thoughts are keeping you awake, put on a little night light, write them down so you can tell yourself you won’t forget them and they can wait until morning for you to deal with them. Then do one of the relaxing strategies detailed above.

Every night we wake briefly at the end of a 90-120 minute sleep cycle. Insomnia happens when you habitually start worrying about things during that momentary wake-up period. If you have tried the strategies above but anxiety is keeping you from getting to sleep or waking you up in the middle of the night, read more about challenging worries in my free booklet.

SIMPLE STEPS TO OVERCOME ANXIETY & WORRYING ebook

 

I have put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

 If you have questions after reading this article or the booklet or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.

I see clients in my Northbrook office or if it is more convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions after reading this article or want to know more about anxiety or depression treatment

please phone me at 847 791-7722 or

email me below

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If you would like to see my future blog posts please go to the very top of my website and link to me by “Liking” my Facebook page or join me on Twitter, Google+ or LinkedIn.

Depression, Rumination and The Brain

by Dr. Sarah Allen

The findings of a new study improve our understanding of depression in young adults and could lead to new ways to predict, prevent and treat the illness. It’s not only teens and young adults that get depressed of course but new brain research shows that it might start in the way the brain has developed. […]

Read the full article →

How Does Facebook Affect Emotions?

by Dr. Sarah Allen

Can Facebook affect emotions? Of course! We supposedly look at Facebook as a way to relax and take time out of our day but over the past few years a lot of my clients have mentioned to me that Facebook makes them feel negative emotions such as sadness, jealousy or perhaps plain just not good […]

Read the full article →

Finding Balance: The Easy Way!

by Dr. Sarah Allen

I have always felt slightly irritated when reading articles telling me that I should find balance in my life. A balanced life conjures up (for me anyway) visions of yoga on the beach, meditating twice a day and long walks through the countryside. Now when I am I supposed to get around to that? I’ll […]

Read the full article →

A Simple Way To Increase Happiness

by Dr. Sarah Allen

  Looking out for positive things that you observe or that happen to you during your day can help improve your outlook and, over time, your level of happiness. One of the most successful techniques to come out of the Positive Psychology movement (Seligman) is the task of keeping a daily journal where you write […]

Read the full article →

Aren’t There Different Types of Depression?

by Dr. Sarah Allen

Yes and my blog below explains about the different types! It is important to know what type of depression you have so therapy is geared to the correct treatment.     Dysthymic Disorder or Dysthymia This is when symptoms are mild to moderate and they have been around for two or more years. These chronic […]

Read the full article →

How Do I know If I Have Depression?

by Dr. Sarah Allen

Sometimes people have been feeling less than happy for such a long time that it feels like their normal state and they may only start to question whether they have depression after a loved one has pointed it out. Surprisingly, symptoms of depression are not always connected to your mood and emotions, they can be […]

Read the full article →

Presence – A Simple Way To Increase Confidence

by Dr. Sarah Allen

So here’s what I recently heard. If you adopt a strong powerful pose like the ‘Wonder Woman’ stance above, it can actually change your brain and cortisol levels and increase your confidence and reduce stress! Really? Where’s the evidence? Actually, there is lots of evidence to back this claim up. I went to see Ann […]

Read the full article →

7 Things you never knew about going to therapy

by Dr. Sarah Allen

She Knows April 29, 2015|Bethany Ramos I wasn’t too gung ho about therapy at first. I’d always wanted a professional opinion about the anxiety that was running my life — but still, I was scared to open up and spill the beans to a virtual stranger. Speaking of virtual, that was exactly what I did. […]

Read the full article →
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    When I need to refer any of my patients for talk therapy I immediately think of Dr. Allen as she is wonderful at helping people with severe and complex issues really get to the root of their problems. She is very caring and knowledgeable and I have found her extensive experience really helps people to change their lives for the better.

    Dr. Teresa PoprawskiPsychiatrist, First Chicago Neuroscience Clinic

    Dr. Allen has really helped me find my own voice. When I began therapy I would swing between being passive and doing whatever other people wanted me to do to being angry and frustrated. I have been on antidepressants for quite a few years but it wasn’t really working. Through therapy I have learned to listen to my own needs and to speak up. I used to worry that people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t agree with them but when Dr. Allen gave me the support I needed I challenged my fears. I spend a lot less time feeling angry and depressed now and I have really widened my social network. This is how I have always wanted to be but didn’t know how to get there. Dr. Allen has a very reassuring manner and makes you challenge yourself but by using small steps so you feel ready to do it. I have really come out of my shell and would recommend anyone who is feeling depressed to come and talk with her.

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    I had heard great things about Dr. Allen from a friend so I decided to try her. I have had therapy in the past as I have experienced depression for many years but this is the most productive therapy I have ever had. I have really learned a lot and felt very supported. I feel my mood has improved greatly and my depression has significantly decreased. I would definitely recommend her if you are looking for a therapist.

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    Thank you so much for all the support and counsel you have given me. You have made such a positive impact on my life and I very much appreciate it. I had some very dark days when I first came in to see you but I can now enjoy my life with my husband and two kids and I am emotionally present when I am with them.

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  • Recent Posts

    • If You Want To Be Happy DON’T Do These Things!
    • Sleep – Why It’s Important & How To Get It!
    • Depression, Rumination and The Brain
    • How Does Facebook Affect Emotions?
    • Finding Balance: The Easy Way!
    • A Simple Way To Increase Happiness
    • Aren’t There Different Types of Depression?
    • How Do I know If I Have Depression?
    • Presence – A Simple Way To Increase Confidence
    • 7 Things you never knew about going to therapy
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