How Can Relationship Coaching Help?

Let’s focus on what you want your relationship to be like and create changes to make that a reality.

Couple's coaching relationship coaching

Relationships can become stagnant if ignored but it is easy to find yourself doing that when feeling overwhelmed by everything else in your life.

Do you feel that you are disconnected from your partner and what started out as a great relationship now has you living like roommates? Are everyday disagreements over money and power issues leaving you drained and resentful? Perhaps you are finding that the smallest of issues turns in to a major argument or maybe you are trying to avoid contact with your partner all together?

Many people find themselves in a relationship that has not lived up to their expectations and end up feeling stuck, unheard and unsatisfied. Please don’t give up hope as many couples go through difficult periods. 

Things can get better.

Together we will find the strategies that work best for you and your relationship.

Through relationship coaching you will learn techniques that empower you to build a more connected and loving relationship. Together we change the things that aren’t working, and build on the strengths both of you already have. We develop your personal “toolbox” for dealing with problems that come up now, and in the future. Although the past is important in shaping where you are today, and past trauma, anxiety, depression and other emotional issues are discussed, our focus is improving the present.

We acknowledge how hard it is to sustain a good relationship and we can develop the practical and communication skills you need to support each other. Being in a supportive relationship has a very protective effect that makes everyday frustrations, as well as the bigger stresses in life, much more manageable.

Here Are Answers To Some Concerns That Frequently Come Up

Many couples feel this way when they first come in. So far your attempts to resolve your conflicts by yourself haven’t been very productive which has probably left you with little hope. However, you will see that by learning to listen to each other and communicate better, problems aren’t insurmountable.

Even if it might appear that way to you at the moment, it is rarely just one person’s problems that are causing all the relationship difficulties. The way we interact with each other, bring up our concerns and support each other, affects the relationship so even if one person is having a particularly difficult issue, we can build up your relationship so you can both deal with problems more effectively.

This actually comes up frequently. One partner “doesn’t believe in couples coaching.” Many individuals feel angry or hopeless when their partner refuses to actively engage in making the relationship better. What I have found is it helps more if you have relationship coaching by yourself than to do nothing. In fact, working on the way you personally are affecting the relationship can drastically improve the quality of the relationship for both of you. The changes one partner actively makes can go a long way and often, when the other partner sees your commitment to actively working on things, they become interested in participating too.

Therapy addresses mental health issues such as (but not limited to) trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self-esteem or addictions. If you are experiencing a mental health issue it can affect how you relate to your partner. In my experience, therapy is best done individually and may be needed (by one or both partners) either before, or simultaneously with, couples coaching. I often hear that one part of the couple feels like they are okay and their partner’s mental health issues that are causing the relationship difficulties. This is not a helpful way of looking at things and it is important to own our behavior and not blame the other person for relationship problems. However, anxiety or depression etc.. can affect how we react and relate to others and it is good to address that separately to the couple coaching sessions. See my pages relating to AnxietyDepressionEating IssuesPregnancy & Postpartum Mood disorders.

Relationship coaching focuses on the present and involves defining and setting goals to move towards the relationship you want to have rather than repeatedly going over ‘old ground’  and feeling stuck in the past. Coaching can include learning how to communicate and listen better, negotiate and set healthy boundaries, identify and shift unhelpful behaviors to more helpful patterns that facilitate a better, more rewarding connection.

Dr. Allen’s professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

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What can you read?

Thankful for Dr. Allen’s Help & Support.

Thank you for all of your support. I am finally feeling so much better. I never thought I would get to such a good place in my life. Your voice and words of encouragement were extremely helpful.

Sharon T.

Gratitude and Growth

Thank you so much for all the support and counsel you have given me. You have made such a positive impact on my life and I very much appreciate it. I had some very dark days when I first came in to see you but I can now enjoy my life with my husband and two kids and I am emotionally present when I am with them.

Katy W.

I become empowered and a happier person.

I began seeing Dr. Allen when my first child was around a year old. I had experienced a very traumatic birth, after a difficult pregnancy where I was on bed rest for a good portion of the time. The first year of my son’s life was spent worrying constantly. I also experienced flashbacks to the birth, which was an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. My son was in the NICU for several days following his birth, and I was not given very much information as to why. I remember thinking that he would die, or that something awful was going to happen.

I experienced a great deal of anxiety that first year, and I thought that it was due to being a new mom. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating as normal, and I remember being worried about leaving the house or taking my baby with me anywhere. I worried constantly about illness, germs, etc.

The first day that I saw Dr. Allen, she gave me some questionnaires to fill out before we started talking. Then we sat down and talked about my experiences with my son’s birth and the early days of his life, and the year or so since then. I remember to this day the relief that I felt when she looked at me and said that I had PPD and PTSD, which was a result of the trauma I experienced during and immediately after the birth of my son. She explained how my brain had reacted to the stress of these events, and related it to why I was feeling the way that I felt. It made so much sense. Then, she described ways that I could get over the trauma, work through the feelings, and recover from PTSD and PPD. I felt so empowered, and so happy that the way I felt had a name, and that it was treatable. It also made me feel so validated in the ways that I had felt and reacted following my son’s birth. I wasn’t going crazy. My reaction was normal and natural. And with the help of Dr. Allen, and the type of therapy that she uses, I knew I could recover.

It is over five years since that first visit with Dr. Allen, and I still use the tools that she taught me today to deal with stress. I credit her with helping me to become a more empowered, happier person.


If you are thinking about getting counseling and you’d like to talk to someone about the things that are troubling you, I am happy to help.