If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety, you may find yourself constantly worrying about what others think or trying to manage situations—and even people—that feel out of your control. This mental and emotional juggling act can leave you feeling drained, resentful, frustrated, and possibly trapped in a loop of overthinking.
Enter Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory—a simple but useful mindset shift that can help ease the stresses that anxiety creates.
What is the “Let Them” Theory?
Mel Robbins, a best-selling author and motivational speaker, introduced the “Let Them” theory as a way of releasing control over things (and people) beyond your influence. At its heart, the theory encourages you to adopt a mindset where you allow others to act or behave as they wish, without feeling the need to shape their perceptions, decisions, or opinions to suit your expectations.
For example, someone cancels plans last-minute or acts distant toward you. Instead of spiraling into self-blame or trying to guess what’s wrong, you think, “That’s their choice—let them.”
It doesn’t mean you’re indifferent or avoiding conflict. Instead, it’s about protecting your peace and focusing on what you can control.
How Does “Let Them” Help Anxiety?
When practiced consistently, the “Let Them” mindset can ease the burdens that anxiety often places on our relationships and sense of self. Here’s how it works to support your mental well-being:
1. Reduces Overthinking
One hallmark of anxiety is overanalyzing situations. You might replay conversations or decisions, trying to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. By adopting “Let Them,” you remind yourself that others’ actions are not always about you. This reduces the mental gymnastics that keep you trapped in anxiety cycles.
To read more about Overthinking Is Overthinking Making You Anxious?
To read my most popular strategies to stop worrying 10 Simple Hacks To Reduce Anxiety & Worrying
2. Promotes Emotional Boundaries
Anxiety often blurs the lines between others’ emotions and your own. If someone is upset, you might feel a need to fix it, even at the expense of your mental health. The “Let Them” mindset allows you to acknowledge their feelings without taking full ownership of them.
It’s a gentle way of saying, “I care, but I won’t sacrifice my stability trying to control what’s not mine to solve.”
3. Releases the Need for Perfection
The pressure to be the “perfect” partner, friend, coworker, or family member can intensify feelings of anxiety. The “Let Them” mindset reminds you to allow others to have their imperfections and move away from trying to achieve perfection yourself.
Read more about perfectionism The Connection Between Perfectionism & Anxiety
4. Encourages Acceptance
A significant source of anxiety stems from resistance—the “shoulds” we impose on ourselves and others. (“They should always agree with me” or “I should be able to make everyone happy.”) “Let Them” reminds you to release unrealistic expectations and accept people and situations as they are, creating space for calm and balance.
To understand more about Self-Compassion read Understanding Self-Talk and It’s Effects on Mental Health
5. Supports Self-Compassion
Anxiety often turns inward, manifesting in harsh self-criticism. When others’ behaviors start to weigh heavy, you might instinctively blame yourself. Through “Let Them,” you reframe your internal dialogue to acknowledge that not everything is within your control—and that’s okay.
Self-compassion grows when you realize that you’re doing your best without needing constant approval from others.
To find out more about self-compassion read How To Stop Your Inner Critic
6. Builds Resilience to Rejection
Anxiety can make rejection feel overwhelmingly personal, whether it’s a declined invitation or an unanswered text. The “Let Them” theory acts as a buffer, helping you detach from the emotional sting of rejection. Instead of spiraling into feelings of inadequacy, you can calmly think, “That was their choice; I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone.”
How to Practice the “Let Them” Mindset
The “Let Them” mindset takes practice, particularly if you’re used to feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness or trying to predict what others are thinking. Here’s how you can start incorporating it into your life:
Pause and Breathe
When anxiety hits, pause for a moment and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, “Am I trying to control something that is not mine to control?”
For information about why deep breathing works and various types of methods read Take A Deep Breath – How Deep Breathing Helps Combat Breathing
Repeat “Let Them” as a Mantra
When you catch yourself dwelling on what someone else thinks or does, softly say to yourself, “That’s their choice—let them.” This reminder helps you release what’s out of your hands.
Focus on Your Circle of Control
Redirect your energy toward things you can control, like your reactions, self-care, and the way you treat yourself. This shift empowers you to take charge of your own peace.
Read more ways to focus on your circle of control How To Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control
Journal Your Experiences
Reflecting on moments when you applied the “Let Them” mindset can help you track your progress and reinforce this mindful approach. Write down how it felt and the positive impact it had.
To read more about journaling How A Worry Journal Can Help Reduce Your Anxiety
Seek Support When Needed
If the idea of letting go feels overwhelming, that’s okay! Please reach out to me as I specialize in Anxiety Counseling and I can provide individualized support that feels empowering for you. I see clients in person at my office in Northbrook, which is a suburb in the North Shore of Chicago, or virtually across Illinois, Florida and the U.K.
Why The “Let Them” Theory Helps Anxiety
A lot of the concepts discussed in the “Let Them” Theory book are not new, as you can see from my articles on similar topics. I do really like the way the book covers things in a compelling and easy to digest way. Anxiety thrives on control—trying to control circumstances, relationships, and even yourself. The “Let Them” theory offers a compassionate pathway out of this controlling cycle by teaching you to redirect your focus inward.
This doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions or disengaging from relationships. It’s about cultivating peace in your life by accepting others as they are and trusting that you’re enough, whether or not everything goes perfectly.
You are not responsible for everyone else’s happiness, and by learning to “let them,” you gain room to focus on your own.
Take a deep breath, repeat after Mel Robbins, and “Let Them.” You’ve got this, or should I say, they’ve got this – you don’t need to 🙂
If you have read this article, or the “Let Them” Theory book, and think you would benefit from extra support grappling with some of these issues please reach out. Together we can use our experience to get to the root of your anxiety.
For personalized anxiety treatment, contact Dr. Sarah Allen. She sees client her office in Northbrook, a North Shore Chicago suburb, or virtually across IL, FL and the UK. Take the first step to be the person you want to be.
If you have any questions, or would like to set up an appointment to work with me and learn how to reduce anxiety, please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.
If you would like to read more about me and my areas of specialty, please visit Dr. Sarah Allen Bio.
Dr. Allen’s professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL & the UK and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.
Dr. Allen sees clients in person in her Northbrook, IL office or remotely via video or phone.
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