It happens to the best of us. You’re wide awake at 2 a.m., your thoughts spiraling over work deadlines, what-ifs, or a conversation that didn’t go as planned. Sitting with thoughts you can’t fix can feel like being trapped in a cycle that keeps you from living in the present. But here’s the truth—worrying about things outside of your control doesn’t help solve them.
If you’re someone navigating anxiety, this is easier said than done, but learning to shift how you respond to uncertainty is possible, one small step at a time.
Below, I’ll explore practical ways to stop worrying about what’s out of your contol. Worrying about things you cannot control can consume your mind and energy. It can affect your happiness, relationships, and even your health. It’s important to remember that everyone worries, but how we manage those worries makes a big difference.
The first step to managing your worries is to recognize which ones you have control over and which ones you don’t. By dividing your worries into these two broad categories, you can focus on taking action where it’s possible and try to let go of what you can’t change. This process is easier said than done; of course you would stop worrying if you could, who wants to worry? I just want to acknowledge that it is hard, but by using the strategies below you can hopefully reduce worry and anxiety, making life feel a bit more manageable.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers effective tools to change how you think about and respond to worries. By identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with positive ones, you can reduce the hold that uncontrollable worries have on your life. Simple strategies, like preparing for worst-case scenarios and learning to accept uncertainty, can also help you build resilience. Understanding these methods can bring you closer to a calmer and more focused state of mind.
Why Do We Worry About What We Can’t Control?
Humans are hardwired to look for patterns, manage risks, and anticipate potential outcomes to feel secure. Anxiety intensifies this instinct, making it difficult to distinguish between manageable concerns and scenarios where we have no influence.
When faced with uncertainty, many of us try to mentally prepare by imagining the worst outcomes. Sound familiar? While this might feel like a protective behavior, it often leads to heightened stress rather than practical solutions.
The first step to quieting these fears is recognizing where you have influence—and where you don’t.
Divide Worries Into Categories
Handling worry starts with organizing it. Make a list of all your worries. Writing them down helps you see them clearly.
Next, separate your worries into two categories: things you can control or even influence to some extent, and things you cannot control.
By categorizing your worries, you can see where to focus your efforts and where to let go, reducing overall stress and anxiety.
Things You Can Control: These are aspects of your life where you have direct control, like your daily habits, how you spend your time, and how you respond to people. Focus on these because you can actively change them. You can also include here situations where you have some control but not total power. Rate your influence from 1 to 10. If your influence is low (below a 5), work on accepting it. If it is higher, consider if the effort needed is worth the potential outcome. When you have worries like this you can active worry, which means you can take action to reduce the worry.
Things You Cannot Control: These are worries beyond your control, like the future, weather, what other people are thinking or doing, or things that have happened in the past. Recognize you can’t change these things and try to let them go. I’ll talk more about how to do that, because letting things go isn’t always easy. I call this useless worry because the thoughts about it go round and around but no action can be taken.
By categorizing your worries, you can see where to focus your efforts and where to let go, reducing overall stress and anxiety.
Shift Focus to Controllable Aspects
Once you’ve categorized your worries, shift your attention to what you can control. When you start worrying about things beyond your control, consciously redirect your thoughts to areas where you have influence.
Ask yourself what actions you can take to improve your situation. For example, instead of worrying about the economy, focus on managing your finances better. This shift helps you feel more empowered and reduces feelings of helplessness.
Another important aspect is how you react to uncontrollable events. You may not control the situation, but you can control your response. Practice calming techniques like deep breathing or meditation to manage your reactions. This proactive approach helps you stay grounded.
It’s also helpful to set small, achievable goals for the things you can control. By accomplishing these goals, you build confidence and reduce anxiety. Remember, focusing on what you can manage, rather than what you can’t, leads to a healthier mindset.
Change the Way You Think With CBT
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you change negative thought patterns that contribute to worry. The first step is identifying these patterns. Here are 3 common negative thought patterns:
– Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst will happen.
– Black-and-White Thinking: Seeing situations as all good or all bad.
– Overgeneralization: Making broad statements based on a single event.
Once you identify these patterns, use cognitive restructuring to challenge and replace them. Ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or emotions. If you’re catastrophizing, think about more realistic outcomes. Replace “I will fail” with “I have prepared, and I can do my best.”
For more information about CBT read CBT for Anxiety: What It Is & How It Works
Prepare for Worst-Case Scenarios
Thinking about worst-case scenarios can help you prepare rather than worry. List out the worst possible outcomes of your worries and create a plan to handle them. Often, these scenarios are less scary than you think.
I have written other articles about identifying and challenging “What-if” thoughts and a good way of framing these types of worries is to say to yourself “Well-then I will” instead of “What-if”.
For example, if you’re worried about a presentation, consider what might go wrong. “What if the audience asks tough questions, and I won’t know the answer and I will look like an imposter?” “Well then I will prepare answers in advance and then I will feel more confident about my knowledge.” “What if technical issues arise and I am standing in front of everyone not knowing what to do? I’ll look foolish?” “Well then I will have a backup plan and will ask my technically knowledgeable friend to show me what to do if there are technical problems”. Knowing you can handle the worst reduces anxiety.
Think practically and calmly. Changing a “what-if” to a “well then I will” plan in place makes you feel more capable. It reduces the fear of the unknown.
Also, consider what can go right! When we worry we think about worst-case scenarios but let’s widen our perspectives and include best-case scenarios too. Mostly, life if full of neutrals, we do something and it’s not really memorable so we forget those times that we did something and it was fine. We only tend to remember the things that don’t go well and those small number of negatives skew our thoughts towards overthinking and worry. So when something you do goes well, sit with it a moment and allow it to enter your memory bank so it is more easily accessible when you need to remember it to counteract the catastrophizing.
Worries tend to pop up and we try to suppress them as they make us feel bad. But doing that means you never get to a resolution and they keep coming back. If you find yourself ruminating it is a good idea to set aside a short time each day to label your worries, reflect on them and address your concerns in a constructive way. A structured way to do that is to use a worry journal. It doesn’t have to be an essay, you can just use bullet points, but it will help you stop worrying. Try it for a week and see if it works for you.
To read more about worry journals Discover How a Worry Journal Can Help Reduce Your Anxiety
Learn to Accept Uncertainty
Acceptance is another key part of CBT. Accept that there are things you can’t control, and that’s okay. Tune into your emotions and label them instead of avoiding them. Recognize that worrying won’t change the outcome but can help. Accepting uncertainty is crucial for managing worry. Life is unpredictable; trying to control everything increases stress. Instead, learn to embrace the uncertainty.
1. Start Small
Allow little uncertainties in your day. Resist the urge to check every detail. Gradually, you’ll become more comfortable with larger uncertainties.
Focus on the present moment. Mindfulness can help you stay grounded. When thoughts of uncertainty creep in, remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now. Trust that you’ll handle situations as they come.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to feel frustrated with yourself for worrying, but being self-critical only reinforces the cycle. Remind yourself it’s okay to feel anxious; these emotions are a natural response to uncertainty.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a loved one. Replace self-judgment with words like, “I’m doing my best right now,” or “It’s okay to feel this way—I can still move forward.”
3. Ground Yourself in the Present Moment
Worry often pulls your focus onto the future or hypothetical scenarios. Grounding techniques help bring your attention back to what is real and manageable right now.
- Deep breathing exercises (try breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4, and out for 4).
- The 5-4-3-2-1 technique, which focuses on 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.
- Mindful activities like journaling, yoga, or a slow walk.
Action Tip: Whenever your mind spirals, ask yourself, “What’s happening around me at this moment? How can I engage with the here and now?”
For more grounding techniques read 7 Simple Grounding Techniques
4. Redirect Your Energy
If you can’t control the situation, what can you influence instead? Instead of channeling energy into uncontrollable circumstances, focus on areas where you can create meaningful change.
For example, instead of ruminating about a presentation going poorly, you could channel that nervousness into practicing your key points or scheduling downtime afterward to balance your emotions.
5. Set Boundaries With Anxiety Triggers
Certain environments, people, or even social media can fuel your anxiety by exposing you to situations outside your control. Being mindful of these influences can give you breathing space.
- Spend less time on platforms that leave you exhausted or worried.
- Limit conversations with individuals who thrive on negativity.
- Focus on supporting content or people that inspire you.
Conclusion
Releasing control doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means accepting that you’re doing your best—and that’s enough. Each small step, each worry reframed, and each moment spent in the present brings you closer to a life rich with peace and clarity.
Understanding what you can and cannot control is key to reducing worry. By dividing your concerns into categories and focusing on what you can manage, you free yourself from unnecessary stress. CBT techniques can further help by changing negative thought patterns, accepting situations beyond your control, and preparing for the worst.
Embracing uncertainty is a skill that takes time to develop. Start small and build your tolerance for the unknown.
If you’re struggling with worry and need professional support, I am here to help. As an experienced anxiety therapist I see clients from across the North Shore of Chicago in my Northbrook office, or virtually across IL, FL and the UK. I can guide you through personalized strategies for managing anxiety.
If you have any questions, or would like to set up an appointment to work with me and learn how to reduce anxiety, please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.
If you would like to read more about me and my areas of specialty, please visit Dr. Sarah Allen Bio.
Dr. Allen’s professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL & the UK and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.
Dr. Allen sees clients in person in her Northbrook, IL office or remotely via video or phone.
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