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Do you find yourself reading too much into situations or spending too much time trying to make decisions? You are likely overthinking things and it is probably not helpful to your emotional well-being.

Here are 4 signs that suggest you overthink things:

1. You Ruminate

A clear sign you are overthinking is that you spend a lot of time ruminating (going over and over the same thing in your head) about things that have happened in the past. You pick over situations and conversations in your brain that could have happened last night or perhaps several years ago, and yet you are still thinking about it. It is exhausting. You are wasting your emotional energy thinking about it and it can leave you feeling physically and emotionally drained

Ask yourself is there actually anything you can do about it now. Can you go to the person and ask them why they did what they did or can you say to the person now what you wish you had said then? When I ask my ruminating clients these questions they usually laugh and say no, it’s too long ago or they would think I am being silly.

If you don’t want to or can’t change anything about it then you have to accept whatever it is you are overthinking is in the past, you can learn from it if a similar situation comes up again and but you can’t change it so let it go! Try to focus on something you can change instead.

 

2. You’re Not Emotionally Present Around Others

Overthinking things can lead to you spending a lot of time in your head, which means you’re not completely emotionally present when you are around others. If you are focusing on your thoughts rather than the person in front of you, it can make them feel that you are not interested in them or what they are saying to you, which of course can be detrimental to the relationship.

Try to catch yourself if you are doing that and instead ground yourself by really focusing on the person you are with or your surroundings. Bring your attention to how your feet feel strong as they press into the ground, focus on actually listening to what the person is saying, notice what other sounds or things you can see in the room. Bringing your focus back into your body, the environment you are in and the person you are with gets your out of your head therefore making you more present.

 

3. You Don’t Sleep Well

Another sign that you are an overthinker is that you are sleep deprived because your ruminations are stopping you falling asleep or are waking you up in the middle of the night. When you are overtired you become more emotional, anger more easily and have less focus and concentration which can hurt your functioning and relationships in real life, not the imaginary life of your thoughts.

You can overcome this by setting aside a time each evening that you sit down and write out the things you are thinking about. This can clear your head for when you are trying to sleep.

 

4. You Let Your Anxiety Hold You Back

You really know that overthinking is holding you back when anxiety prevents you from doing things or moving forward in your life. Usually this involves thoughts about “What if?” and then thoughts about all the things that could possibly go wrong.

In cognitive therapy we call this type of negative thought pattern ‘catastrophizing’. You go to all sorts of worse- case scenario and that can make you very stuck and scared. I always think a good way to challenge this is to ask yourself “What is the worst thing that can happen?”. Catastrophizing thoughts are attached to very strong emotions as fear whips up our adrenaline system. However, if you breathe (to calm down the adrenaline) you can rationally challenge your thoughts and find that the worse things probably isn’t nearly as bad as your emotions suggest and that you could cope with them.

To overcome this pattern, take a problem-solving approach. Identify what is holding you back and what small steps you can take to overcome the problem. Rather than just going around and around thinking about it, take action in a way that is not too much outside of your comfort zone.

 

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?

2. What should I do if I feel panicky?

3. How can I stop worrying about everything: my children, partner, friends, work, my “to do” list….
   

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

I see clients in my Northbrook office or for your convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions about how to reduce anxiety

please phone me at 847 791-7722 or

email me below

Does your baby’s cry stir up feelings of anxiety and panic within you? You are not alone! Having a baby changes the structure of the brain so that regions that control empathy and anxiety have increased activity and that, along with hormonal changes, can make new moms react to a baby’s cry with intense feelings of protectiveness and worry.

If you have had a traumatic childbirth your anxiety levels are already high so when the baby cries the anxiety is amplified even higher. Women often feel more protective towards the baby after a trauma because they were primed by the belief that something bad was going to happen to the baby or themselves.

First take a deep breath. That sounds too simple but is actually very effective. When your baby cries it causes adrenaline to race around your body and your mind to race. “Something is wrong!” or perhaps “Oh, no! I can’t deal with this”.

By taking a few deep breaths, in through your nose to the count of three and then slowing breath out through your mouth to the count of four, activates a chemical in your brain to calm these physical responses down.

Once your brain has stopped racing and that panicky feeling subsides, you can assess what is actually happening with the baby. Crying is the main way our baby communicates with us but it doesn’t always mean there is something terrible happening. He may just be uncomfortable or bored.

Become aware of what you are thinking. Are you catastrophizing the situation i.e. thinking things are a crisis and disregarding the less obvious causes? Are you underestimating your ability to handle the situation? If this is the case, bring awareness to all the times you have successfully calmed your baby.

If the breathing hasn’t worked and there is someone else there to help, let them take the baby awhile to give yourself space to calm yourself before going back in to try again. If you are on your own, put the baby safely back in his crib for a minute or so while you splash your face with cold water, take a few deep breathes and then go back to calmly assessing the situation. He will be okay for a minute but if you stay in the situation getting more and more panicked you will feel worse.

Be kind to yourself. Moms don’t instinctively know what their baby wants, it is a learning process. You are learning a new skill and part of that skill is getting to know your child and what their wants and needs are.  You are talking about another human being and you can’t expect to know what’s happening for them all the time and sometimes you have no idea what’s going on but that’s okay, you are there and that’s really what the baby needs. Once you have run through the obvious, is he hungry, need a diaper change or uncomfortable, and he is still crying, stay calm, I promise the crying will stop eventually.

Romper.com interviewed me about how baby’s cries affect moms and you can read the full article here:

What Does It Mean If My Baby’s Cries Make Me Anxious? You Are Not Alone!

If you want to read more about maternal mental health download the FREE Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression. It is full of information about symptoms, different types of maternal mood disorders and advice about what to do to start feeling like yourself again.

 

Need A Simple Way To Keep Calm?

It can be frustrating and overwhelming being a mom! This blog post explains the role of adrenaline in whipping up emotions and a more in depth look at how to calm down when feeling panicky, overwhelmed or frustrated.

 

Dr. Sarah Allen has 20+ years experience as a psychologist helping women transition to being the mom they want to be. She is also the Director of the Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL, a non-profit offering info and support to pregnant and postpartum moms and their families.

In her Northbrook office, in the North Suburbs of Chicago, or via telephone or online counseling she offers the most convenient way for you to access support and help.

If you have questions after reading this article or the Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.

 

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