When thinking about the connection between self-esteem and anxiety, I like to think of self-esteem as being the foundation of a house. If your foundation is strong, everything else feels stable. But when it’s shaky, even the smallest stress can seem overwhelming. When I talk about self-esteem with my clients, I encourage them to think about who they really are at their core, beyond their daily roles and the things they’ve achieved.
Ask yourself what makes me unique? What are my core beliefs? Understanding yourself, your values, your core beliefs, your motivation, what feels right or wrong to you is key to feeling confident and secure. You are more than your job title, the clothes you wear, or the opinions others have of you. Let’s go a little deeper into why knowing who you really are can increase confidence and help reduce anxiety.
What Are Your Core Beliefs?
Some people call your core beliefs your essence, the true you, who you really are on the inside. It could mean your personality traits, your inner values, and the little things that make you, you. It’s your personal blueprint that isn’t defined by what you do or what you have. Imagine peeling away layers. The outer ones might be your job, your routines, or others’ expectations. But deep underneath is who you are at your center, the part that holds steady no matter what is happening around you.
Problems arise when there is a disconnect between your core values and how you act in the world. When your self-esteem is good, you have more confidence in the way you are. Anxiety is increased when we act based upon pleasing others or trying to tie your own actions and words to what you think someone wants to hear.
I worked with a woman who recently decided to make a change in her work life. She always knew she was in the wrong line of work, but never quite found the courage to switch. After a few sessions, she was able to identify that she had a creative side that she stifled as her job was very structured. After allowing herself to acknowledge her creative side, she slowly began to build her confidence. It took time but she began to make decisions that were more in alignment with her inner self. That gave her a sense of living more authentically
Benefits of Embracing Your True Self
Getting in touch with who you really are on the inside opens the door to being able to show other your authentic self. When you’re honest about what matters to you, it shapes the way you live. You stop worrying and second guessing how you are supposed to be and start showing up as yourself.
Authentic expression: Your life becomes authentic when your actions mirror your beliefs. You’re able to live without the added burden of having to act and perform a role.
Increased confidence: Confidence is established by knowing and accepting yourself. You no longer need someone to tell you that you’re fine because you know that you are.
Freedom from comparison: Comparison to others becomes less important when you trust your voice. You are no longer focusing on how your life measures up against other people’s.
This shift helps lower anxiety because you aren’t constantly second-guessing what others think. Life starts to feel more peaceful and less like you’re chasing perfection.
Importance of Authenticity for Self-Esteem
The truth that self-esteem originates from within ourselves rather than external sources is often easy to forget. Self-esteem is something that is cultivated from the inside. Your life becomes an emotional roller coaster when you base your value on achievements or external feedback. One day you are up, one day you are down, depending upon who said what, or how something worked out.
One of the advantages of focusing on your own values and appreciating yourself for that, is that you feel more stable and emotional ups and downs lessen. I have noticed with many clients, that as they start to become more aware of their own value, and less attached to how they measure up to someone else’s expectations, they start to accept themselves for who they really are and feel more at ease with being themselves.
This internal shift doesn’t mean that outside opinions won’t ever matter. It just means they won’t shake you as much. You find yourself able to bounce back faster because your value isn’t tied to anyone else’s view.
Steps to Discover Your Essence
Getting to know your essence, or true self, isn’t about making huge changes all at once. It often starts with small insights that grow over time. Here are a few ways you can begin reconnecting with yourself:
1. Reflect on your values:
What matters most to you? Kindness? Creativity? Honesty? Try to narrow it down to a few values and think about how they manifest in your life.
2. Consider what makes you happy
Recognize when you feel most at ease or “lit up” as these moments reveal what activities align with your authentic self.
3. Think about your strengths
Take some time to consider what you are great at. What makes you stand out? Are you a good listener? A great problem solver? Are you compassionate or humorous? Reflecting on your strengths can help you get a better sense of how you show up in the world.
4. Pay attention to outside influence
Listen for when you are trying to be someone you think others want you to be. Begin to question the things you do just to please other people.
5. Spend time with yourself to reflect
Give yourself a few minutes to decompress each night. Ask yourself a few questions: did I make choices today that felt like my choices? What felt good? What didn’t? Journaling, meditating, and/or sitting in silence for a few minutes each day can help you find clarity. It allows your mind to settle and your inner voice to surface. Learning more about your true self is not a destination. It is a practice to which you can return again and again as your life changes and as you evolve.
ink journaling
Living Authentically
When your actions don’t match what feels right inside, it creates tension. You may feel anxious without being able to explain exactly why. I’ve seen this happen with many clients who go along with what others want just to avoid conflict or keep the peace. Over time, that habit wears you down and makes you feel disconnected.
It’s like walking through your days wearing shoes that are just a bit too small. It might not hurt at first, but over time, the strain makes everything harder.
To start making changes, try asking yourself if a choice reflects what’s important to you. Are you saying yes because you truly want to, or because you’re afraid to say no? You can align your actions with your values without completely overturning your life. It can start with small decisions: learning to set firmer boundaries, to say no more often, to speak up for yourself more. Such choices will gradually restore your sense of self-belief and self-esteem..
Embracing Your True Self Every Day
Living this way is a practice. It’s not that you work your way to some final, perfected version of yourself. Throughout your day you can make choices that nudge you closer to how you want yourself and life to be.
* Begin your daily routine by identifying one thing you feel thankful for. It can be simple: Time to drink your coffee and complete the crossword.
* Make a list of values-aligned actions that feel like you. Honesty. Kindness. Curiosity. Refer to it when you need a quick reminder.
* Reflect at the end of each day. Did I make choices today that felt mine? What felt good? What didn’t?
* Do something regularly that relaxes you, or quiets you, or restores you. Reading, walking, even sitting in silence with your thoughts can help to reconnect you to yourself.
You don’t have to overhaul your life to start living more authentically. These little moments of awareness and action are what slowly build a stronger connection to who you are. The more you practice this, the more confidence and ease you’ll find in moving through your day.
Further Reading: If you would like to find out more about this topic I recommend books, talks, and workshops by Brené Brown and Tara Brach on the subjects of self-confidence, authenticity, and self-compassion.
Discovering and embracing your core essence can transform how you view the world and yourself. This journey not only boosts self-esteem but also fosters a sense of peace within yourself. If anxiety gets in the way and affects your self-esteem and sense of self, consider exploring how anxiety counseling with me can provide support you need to make the changes you want in your life. I offer tailored sessions to help you navigate these changes. I see clients in my office in Northbrook, a North Shore Chicago suburb, or virtually across IL, FL and the UK.
If you have any questions, or would like to set up an appointment to work with me and learn how to reduce anxiety, please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.
If you would like to read more about me and my areas of specialty, please visit Dr. Sarah Allen Bio.
Dr. Allen’s professional licenses only allows her to work with clients who live in IL, FL & the UK and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.
Dr. Allen sees clients in person in her Northbrook, IL office or remotely via video or phone.
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