Why You Feel “On Edge” So Often as a Mom
Feeling like everyone is touching you, talking to you, and needing you at the same time, and your whole body is saying “enough,” is very common in motherhood. That experience is overstimulation, and it can happen even when you deeply love your children and want to be present with them. It is not a sign that you are ungrateful or that you are a “bad mom” (these are the harsh things I her moms saying about themselves). It is a sign that your brain and nervous system are overloaded.
In my work with women, overstimulation often appears alongside anxiety, depression and parenting stress. It is one of the most frequent issues that women talk about at some point in their therapy. In this article, I will explain what overstimulation is, how it shows up in day‑to‑day life with children of any age, why it happens so often, practical ways to cope, and when it may be time to get professional help.
What Overstimulation in Mothers Really Is
Overstimulation is what happens when your brain gets more input than it can comfortably process.
For mothers, that often means a mix of:
• Sensory input: constant noise, movement, touching, toys, screens
• Emotional demands: kids’ big feelings, sibling conflicts, school stress, partner tension
• Mental load: the invisible planning, remembering, and organizing that never stops
When there is too much coming at you at once, your nervous system shifts into a stress response. You might feel wired, jumpy, or like you want to run away or shut down.
Research in stress and parenting shows that when demands stay high and recovery time stays low, the brain is more likely to stay in a heightened alert state. Studies on mothers’ mental load and emotional labor have found that managing many tasks at once, with little support, is linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout.
Overstimulation often overlaps with conditions I commonly treat:
• Generalized anxiety: persistent worry, feeling on edge, racing thoughts
• Depression: low mood, fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected
• ADHD: difficulty focusing, distractability, feeling mentally scattered
You can be overstimulated without meeting criteria for any of these, but they can make overload more intense or more frequent.
A big piece of overstimulation is the mental load of parenting. Many mothers describe being the one who:
• Tracks appointments, school forms, sports schedules
• Notices when clothes are too small or supplies are running low
• Plans meals, snacks, and social activities
• Manages everyone’s moods and conflicts
Research on household and emotional labor consistently shows that mothers often carry more of this invisible work. This is one reason so many women come to counseling saying, “I should be able to handle this,” while actually living in a state of chronic overstimulation.
Signs You Are Overstimulated, Not “Just Irritable”
Overstimulation touches your emotions, body, behavior, and thoughts. Recognizing the signs can reduce shame and help you respond sooner.
Emotional signs can include:
• Sudden anger or snapping over small things
• Wanting to hide in the bathroom or car
• Feeling numb or checked out
• Crying more easily
• Feeling trapped by constant demands
Physical signs can include:
• Tight shoulders, jaw clenching, headaches
• Stomach discomfort or nausea
• Racing heart or shallow breathing
• Trouble relaxing even when the house is finally quiet
Behavioral signs can include:
• Yelling at your children or partner, then feeling guilty
• Retreating to your phone, scrolling instead of sleeping
• Overeating, undereating, or stress snacking
• Zoning out, losing track of time, or “going on autopilot”
Cognitive signs can include:
• Difficulty focusing or finishing tasks
• Forgetfulness, feeling scattered, losing words
• Craving quiet but feeling unable to get it
• Harsh self-talk like “I can’t handle anything” or “Everyone else manages this”
Many of these overlap with anxiety and depression, which is one reason those diagnoses are common in mothers seeking help. When I meet with women, I sort out whether what they are experiencing is mainly situational overstimulation, a mental health condition, or both.
Why Overstimulation Happens So Often in Motherhood
Several ongoing pressures make overload very common for mothers with kids of any age.
Constant sensory input: Children are noisy. Add phones, TVs, tablets, and toys, and your senses rarely get a break. Background noise that did not bother you before kids can suddenly feel like too much when layered on top of whining, questions, and interruptions.
Emotional demands: You are expected to stay calm while your child melts down, help siblings work out conflicts, encourage homework, attend events, and manage your own feelings at the same time. Emotion coaching children is important, but it can be draining when you are already at your limit.
The mental load and multitasking: Many mothers are tracking school updates, work tasks, social plans, health needs, and household chores in their heads. When your brain is always “on,” your capacity to tolerate noise and chaos drops.
Lack of rest and true downtime: Sleep is often disrupted by kids’ schedules, your own work hours, or late‑night catching up. When you do try to rest, you might end up scrolling on your phone because real rest feels out of reach or guilty. Chronic sleep loss and lack of recovery time lower your stress tolerance.
Personal history and temperament: Past trauma, a more sensitive nervous system, perfectionism, or a history of anxiety or depression can all make overstimulation more intense. These are common women’s issues in counseling. None of these are character flaws; they are understandable responses shaped by your biology, experiences, and current stressors.
Practical Daily Strategies to Reduce Overstimulation
You cannot remove every stressor, but you can lower how much input your system has to handle and build in small resets.
To manage sensory input, try:
• Lowering or turning off background TV and music
• Creating at least one “quiet window” each day, even 10 to 15 minutes
• Using noise‑reducing headphones for short periods when another adult is present
• Having a simple retreat spot, such as a chair in a corner, where you can sit for a few minutes
Set more realistic expectations for yourself. Instead of “I must stay calm and engaged all the time,” you might shift to, “It is okay to step away briefly when I am overloaded.” That might sound like, “I care about you and I need a few quiet minutes. I will help you after that.”
Planning small “buffer” moments helps, especially before known stress points like after school or bedtime:
• A 5‑minute walk outside or standing on the porch
• A short stretching routine
• A few slow, deep breaths with your hand on your chest
Simple body‑based tools can calm an overactive nervous system:
• Grounding: feel your feet on the floor, name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear
• Box breathing: inhale for 4 counts, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4, repeat a few times
• Progressive muscle relaxation: gently tense and relax different muscle groups
• Using comforting sensations: warm tea, a soft blanket, a calming scent
Communication with your family can reduce guilt and model healthy boundaries. Short scripts might include:
• “My ears are tired. I need two minutes of quiet, then I can listen.”
• “I am feeling overwhelmed, so I am taking a short break. You are safe, and I will be back in a few minutes.”
Longer‑Term Changes To Make Overstimulation Less Frequent
Over time, some bigger shifts can make overstimulation less frequent.
Reducing the mental load might involve:
• Writing things down instead of holding it all in your head
• Sharing tasks more evenly where possible
• Letting go of perfection in meals, clutter, or routines
Building real rest into your week is different from numbing out. Numbing looks like endless scrolling or random TV, without feeling better afterward. Rest might be:
• Sleep or earlier bedtimes when possible
• Short periods of time alone
• Time with supportive adults
• Simple hobbies that feel restoring, not like another job
Emotional skills and self‑compassion make a difference. When you notice thoughts like “I should not feel this way,” try replacing them with “Anyone would feel overwhelmed by this much noise and responsibility.” This does not erase stress, but it lowers shame, which itself can increase tension.
Supporting your nervous system consistently is also important:
• As regular a sleep schedule as your life allows
• Gentle movement, even brief walks
• Getting outside each day if you can
• Being mindful of caffeine and alcohol, which can affect anxiety and sleep
When to See a Professional Who Specializes in These Issues
There is a difference between having hard days and feeling overwhelmed most of the time. It may be time to reach out to me if:
• You feel overwhelmed most days and cannot seem to recover
• You are yelling or withdrawing more than you want to, and you feel stuck in that pattern
• You feel hopeless or numb
• You have lost interest in things you used to enjoy
• You are struggling to function at home or work
• You notice panic‑like symptoms, such as a racing heart, shortness of breath, or feeling like you are in danger, even when you are technically safe
Overstimulation can be part of generalized anxiety disorder, depression, PTSD, OCD, or ADHD. These conditions are treatable with counseling and, for some people, medication.
When I evaluate someone for these conditions, I listen for patterns over time. For example, generalized anxiety disorder usually involves several months or more of ongoing worry about many areas of life, along with physical symptoms like restlessness and trouble sleeping. Depression often includes a low or irritable mood most days, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, changes in sleep or appetite, and low energy. ADHD includes long‑term patterns of distractability, difficulty organizing, forgetfulness, and sometimes restlessness.
In treatment, I usually use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you notice and change unhelpful thought patterns (such as “I am failing at everything”) and to practice new behaviors and ways of thinking that lower stress and are less self-critical. For anxiety and depression, this might mean planning small, achievable steps toward activities that matter to you, building coping skills for intense emotions, and working on more balanced self‑talk.
For ADHD, I often focus on routines, tools to manage time and tasks, and coping skills for overwhelm. When trauma is part of your history, I take a trauma‑informed approach, going at a pace that feels safe and paying close attention to your nervous system responses.
We will start by getting a clear picture of your daily life, your history, and your current symptoms. I then work with you to set specific goals. I use cognitive behavioral strategies to work with unhelpful thinking, solution‑focused strategies to adjust routines and boundaries, and trauma‑informed approaches when past experiences are affecting how safe and resourced you feel now.
If you recognize yourself in this article, reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness. Taking your overstimulation seriously is an act of care, not selfishness. With some daily tools, realistic expectations, and, when needed, support from someone who understands women’s issues in counseling, it is possible to feel calmer and more in control, even in a loud and busy home.
Take The Next Step Toward Feeling Stronger And More Supported
If you are ready to address the concerns discussed in this article more deeply, our specialized counseling for women’s issues in counseling can help you make meaningful, lasting changes. At Dr. Sarah Allen, I work collaboratively with you to understand your experiences and tailor a plan that fits your needs and comfort level. Reach out today to ask questions, discuss fit, or to schedule an appointment through the form below. I see clients in person in my office in Northbrook, a North Shore Chicago suburb, or virtually across IL, FL and the UK.
If you have any questions, or would like to set up an appointment to work with me and learn how to reduce anxiety, please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.
If you would like to read more about me and my areas of specialty, please visit Dr. Sarah Allen Bio.
Dr. Allen’s professional licenses only allows her to work with clients who live in IL, FL & the UK and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.
Dr. Allen sees clients in person in her Northbrook, IL office or remotely via video or phone.
What Can I Read That Helps Me While I Am Waiting For My First Appointment With Sarah?
Download this free booklet to gain valuable insights and practical strategies for managing anxiety and worrying.
As featured in
