Looking out for positive things that you observe or that happen to you during your day can help improve your outlook and, over time, your level of happiness.

One of the most successful techniques to come out of the Positive Psychology movement (Seligman) is the task of keeping a daily journal where you write down three positive things that have happened during your day. It doesn’t need a lot of journaling if that’s not your thing. It’s simple, list three things that have made you feel happy.

Why does this work? Well, if we know we have to write something in the evening, we keep our eyes open during the day and therefore are more likely to notice and pay a little bit more attention to positive events. Quite simply, noticing something positive and noting how it makes us feel happy makes our brain increase serotonin. If we do this regularly, over time we increase our happiness.

I have tweaked it a little bit and have divided this daily task into two sections; things that we just observe and things that we made happen.   It only takes a couple of minutes to write down three examples of each.

Three Things That Made You Smile/Feel Good

Write down three positive things that you noticed today.

“I saw the daffodils were poking through the soil next to my garage and it made me smile that Spring is finally on its way”.

“My son came through the door and gave me a big hug hello”.

“I looked at a cartoon on Facebook and thought it was so funny I laughed out loud”.

When we are feeling down we tend to just focus on the negative and ignore the positive. Part of therapy is to widen your focus to include things that went well and that you enjoyed, not just what irritated you. The act of noticing and paying attention to the experience makes the brain take more notice and therefore feel more pleasure. This is the opposite of being on automatic pilot as you go through your day.

Three Things That You Had A Part In Making It Positive

Jot down three things that went well for you today. Why did it happen, what role did you play?

“I began the morning in a relaxed way by lying in bed cuddling with my kitty cat – because I set the alarm to go off ten minutes earlier than I needed to get up I still had plenty of time to get ready”.

“I felt very connected to my child because I put down my phone and really listened to how his day at school had gone”.

“I had a lot of work to get done but I made myself take a break and take my friend up on her offer of going for a walk. Afterwards I felt more refreshed and was able to be more productive”.

Just as we tend to ignore the positive and notice the bad things that have happened, we also tend to ignore the positive influence we have over things and events. I think it is so important to recognize not only what was good, but how you came to make it happen so you can hopefully repeat it in the future.

The same with negative things – if you have the attitude that things just happen rather than recognizing what you did or didn’t do to affect the outcome – it makes events feel out of your control and we humans are happiest when we feel some sense of control.

I hope you find these tips useful. If you would like to read more about ways to improve your mood please take a look at my free booklet below by entering your name and the email address you want the booklet sent to. I also have many articles on ways to improve your emotional well-being on my blog which I hope you will also find helpful .

 

I see clients in my Northbrook office or for your convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions about how to lead a happier life

please phone me at 847 791-7722 or

email me below

 

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Do

Do realize that women don’t just get depression after the baby is born

We used to only think of depression as only happening postpartum (after the baby is born) and we concentrated on treating postpartum depression (PPD), but research has showed us that many women experience these symptoms during pregnancy too. Contrary to popular belief, pregnancy does not protect women from getting depressed. Approximately 15% of women experience significant emotional problems during pregnancy too. Once studies concentrated on this area we also realized that it is not just depression symptoms either, pregnant and postpartum women can also experience anxiety, obsessional compulsive disorder (OCD) and posttraumatic stress (PTSD).

Do know pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders are more than feeling sad

Everyone is different and no two women experience exactly the same feelings but symptoms of perinatal mood disorders might include a combination of:

• Feelings of anger or irritability
• Lack of interest in the baby
• Appetite and sleep disturbance
• Crying and sadness
• Feelings of guilt, shame or hopelessness
• Loss of interest, joy or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
• Possible thoughts of harming the baby or yourself
• Feel constantly tired
• Cry often for no apparent reason
• Feel panicky
• Worry excessively about her own or the baby’s health
• Have a lack of feeling for the baby

Statements such as these below are very common:

Mothers:

• I feel like running away.
• I don’t feel like myself anymore.
• I’m a rotten person, a rotten mother.
• I feel like I’m going crazy!
• I sometimes think of hurting the baby or myself.

Partners:

• I never know what to expect when I get home
• Will my partner ever be the same?
• Something is horribly wrong, but I don’t know how to help her.
• It’s tough to live with a depressed person.
• I’m walking on eggshells around her, nothing I do is right.

These emotions and experiences are confusing as it isn’t how women expect to be feeling, but help is available and you do not have to continue feeling like this.

Do choose a provider who has experience treating perinatal mood disorders

There are many mental health providers that are very experienced in treating general depression and anxiety, but when dealing with perinatal mood disorders you need to choose someone who has specific training and experience in treating pregnant and postpartum women, and it is good to ask the following questions. A good therapist will not mind talking to you before you come in for the assessment to answer your concerns and questions.

• What specific training do you have in diagnosing and treating perinatal mood disorders?

Anyone can set themselves up to be an expert. Ask what conferences, training, workshops etc. they have recently attended or presented at and how many women with pregnancy or postpartum mood disorders have they treated. Treatment takes less time when the therapist is highly experienced.

• Do you belong to any organization that educates its members about PPD?

The main organization in the US is Postpartum Support International.

• What type of psychotherapy are you trained in?

Studies have shown that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy (IP) work best in treating PPD. CBT can help you identify and change inaccurate perceptions of yourself and the world around you, while IP focuses on how you behave and interact with family, friends, and other people in your life. Long-term psychoanalysis, which may continue over many months or even years, is usually not the best approach for PPD.

Do read up on risk factors so you can seek preventative help

The reason some women are affected by perinatal mood disorders and other aren’t is complicated. We can’t pinpoint cause to just one thing. Some researchers think it is mainly due to the rapid hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy and after birth. Others think it is more personality and coping strategies or stressful situational factors. No doubt biological, psychological and social factors all play a role.

Physical:

• history of infertility treatments
• thyroid imbalance
• Diabetes (type 1, type 2 or gestational)
• Complications in pregnancy, birth or breastfeeding

Psychological:

• Previous episodes of depression, anxiety, or postpartum depression
• Family history of psychological disorders
• Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD or PMS)

Social:

• Inadequate emotion & practical support in caring for the baby
• Financial stress
• Marital stress
• Major recent life events: loss, house move, job loss
• Mothers of multiples
• Mothers whose infants are in Neonatal Intensive Care (NICU)

If you have any of these risk factors, especially a previous episode of depression or anxiety, it is good to talk to a therapist ahead of having the baby so you can get the support you need.

Do give yourself what you need to feel better

It is very important to allow yourself to ask and accept help from your partner, family and friends. Most important is to ask yourself, “What will help me feel better?” as everyone is different but in general become aware of your own needs outside of the baby’s needs and allow yourself to get:

• Support and reliable information about getting through depression and anxiety
• Therapy and/or medicine from a trusted healthcare provider
• Good nutrition and eating every three hours to keep your blood sugar in balance
• Rest and breaks from childcare
• Fresh air and movement and getting out of the house
• Talking to other women and families who have been through it and recovered
• Practical help with chores

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Don’t

Don’t think you are the only one to feel like this

Over the past couple of decades there has been a greater recognition of postpartum mood disorders and a growing amount of research has shown us that between 15-20% of women experience postpartum depression. So if that is the number of women actually talking about how they feel, imagine how many more women there are who didn’t like to say they are having a hard time. The percentages are even higher for women who are also dealing with poverty, and can be even higher for teen parents. Women of every culture, age, income level and race can develop perinatal mood disorders. Symptoms can appear any time during pregnancy and the first 12 months after childbirth.

Don’t get confused between the baby blues and postpartum depression

The baby blues affect 60-80% of all new moms and is characterized by frequent and prolonged bouts of crying, anxiety, mood swings and a sense of being vulnerable. The blues often happen about the same time as a woman’s milk comes in. Baby blues usually occur within the first three days and can continue about a week or so. Postpartum mood disorders are diagnosed when symptoms are present for more than two weeks and are more intense and debilitating.

Don’t be so hard on yourself

Women can have very high expectations of themselves. They believe they should know automatically what to do and be the only one who knows how to: feed the baby, calm the baby, do everything and get it right! Many women also believe they shouldn’t need to ask for help and everyone else is managing. I’m sure it looks like you are managing as well to outsiders because we tend to put on a show and hide our real feelings. It is only when women share how isolated and out of their depth they feel that other women open up. We could all do with support when we have a baby. Our own mothers and families are not always nearby or able to give us support, so we have to ask for me.

When women come in to see me I often get them to write these messages down and say them to themselves when the going gets tough:

1. I can’t control everything

2. I am doing the best I can at this moment and that’s okay.

3. I will try to focus on one thing at a time and stay in the present

4. I will try to be flexible

5. I love my family and I love me too

Do not think women with PPD are going to harm themselves or their babies

Because the media often only gives attention to more sensational stories we only hear about perinatal mood disorders when a woman has a rare and extreme reaction and harms her baby or commits suicide. This has had the effect of making many women too scared to tell anyone how she is feeling for fear that they may take her baby away. This extreme response, called Postpartum Psychosis, is very rare and you probably are experiencing the more typical symptoms discussed above.

During a Postpartum Psychotic episode, which happens to about 0.1% of women, women experience extreme confusion, delusions, auditory hallucinations, rapid and irrational speech and hyperactive behavior. It is a very small percentage of this 0.1% that will be become so psychotic that they attempt to harm themselves or their baby. Most of these reactions occur within 3-14 days following the birth. Psychosis is serious and requires immediate medical attention and at times medication and hospitalization. Therefore, the likelihood that you will harm your baby is very, very small and professionals understand that and want to help you, not punish you, so please reach out for help.

Don’t suffer alone

Treatment is available and really helps. Many women believe they are the only ones who aren’t enjoying motherhood and that they should push through and go it alone. But you are not alone and there is help available.

• Call your medical provider. They can check whether your symptoms have a physical basis i.e. thyroid dysfunction.
• Call a therapist who specializes in treating pregnant or postpartum women.
• Contact a support group.
• If you are in IL contact the PPD Alliance of Illinois www.PPDIL.org. I am the director of this non-profit organization and we have lots of information about symptoms and what helps as well as support groups in Illinois. If you are outside of Illinois contact Postpartum Support International on 1800-944-4PPD or visit their website to be put in touch with someone in your area who can give you support and put you in touch with local resources
• Ask friends or family for help so you can take some time to look after yourself.
• Most importantly, tell someone how you feel and find someone you trust that can help you. You are not alone in feeling this way and with help, you will feel better. Also, if you have PPD and are experiencing major depression, you and your husband should learn how to treat urgent mental issues.

Expert Beacon approached me a few months back to write an article for them about postpartum depression in their 5 Do’s and 5 Don’ts series. I wanted to widen the topic to include mood disorders that can also be experienced during pregnancy. This blog is taken from an article I wrote for them 5 Dos and Don’ts for the Prevention and Treatment for Pregnancy and Postpartum Mood Disorders.

If you want to read more about maternal mental health download the FREE Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression. It is full of information about symptoms, different types of maternal mood disorders and advice about what to do to start feeling like yourself again.

Dr. Sarah Allen has 20+ years experience as a psychologist helping women transition to being the mom they want to be. She is also the Director of the Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL, a non-profit offering info and support to pregnant and postpartum moms and their families.

In her Northbrook office, in the North Suburbs of Chicago, or via telephone or online counseling she offers the most convenient way for you to access support and help.

If you have questions after reading this article or the Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.