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Pregnancy and Postpartum

Number 1 Question That Helps Reduce Worrying

by Dr. Sarah Allen
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So Why Do We Worry About Things?

Worries bother us. We can’t sleep or concentrate because we have pessimistic thoughts going round and around in our head, but in a way, worries make sense as they pull us in to a false sense of feeling in control. We’re doing something, even if it is just worrying.

You continue to worry because our mind thinks:

• Maybe I’ll find a solution.
• I don’t want to overlook anything.
• If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I’ll figure it out.
• I don’t want to be surprised. If I consider all the possible outcomes I’ll be more in control when something bad happens.

We can have a hard time giving up on our worries because, in a sense, our worries have been working for us.

So now I’ve pointed that out, let’s just stop worrying then! Unfortunately, telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work for long. You can distract yourself or suppress the thoughts, but they keep popping back up.

Instead I would like you to distinguish between whether your worry is solvable or not.

 This is the number 1 question to ask yourself.

Number 1 Question To Ask To Reduce Worry

 

It is helpful to go into a bit more depth and also ask.

 

Anxiety questions

 

Learning To Accept Difficult Feelings When Worry Is Not Solvable

If the problem is in the past then you have to decide whether to say something to the person involved or do nothing and accept what happened. If the worry isn’t something you can solve, you have to do nothing and practice acceptance. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel bad though. In such cases, it’s important to tune into your emotions. Your brain is so busy going over and over pretend conversations with the person that caused the hurt that it gives a temporary sense of control that something is being done. But it’s not really allowing you to get over it and it doesn’t allow you time to feel.

The only way out of this is by embracing your feelings. Sometimes we just can’t control events and we have to embrace uncertainty. Sometimes we are hurt and angry but there is nothing that can be done, but feel our emotions. You are in control. You are deciding to feel your feelings so you can eventually let it go.

What to Do When the Worry Is Solvable

If the worry is solvable we can use Active Worrying. This is where worrying serves a purpose. For example we worry about a deadline at work and that motivates us to get the project done.

Anxious woman using journal

It is really important to differentiate between a worry that can be solved and one that we can’t do anything about.

Active worrying involves brainstorming ideas about all the possible solutions you can think of (try not to get hung up on finding a perfect solution though) and then make a plan that focuses on things you have the power to change.

Once you have a plan of action and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less worried.

This technique is also very useful when you are stuck in an argument with someone. First identify what is the problem you are arguing about. Then brainstorm all the things you can possible do about the problem and the likely outcomes and then make a joint plan of action.

 

If you would like to see a video I made that talks about these tips please check out The Best Question To Reduce Worrying & Anxiety Video

 

 

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

  1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?
  2. What should I do if I feel panicky?
  3. How can I stop worrying about everything: my children, partner, friends, work, my “to do” list….

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

You've just been sent an email that contains a confirmation link. Check your SPAM/JUNK folder if you don't see it within a couple of minutes. In order to activate to receive your free booklet, click on the CONFIRM link and you will be sent a second email with the booklet. It may also be in your SPAM folder.

If after reading the booklet you feel ready to start working on reducing your anxiety but need support, I can help you overcome worrying in one-on-one individual counseling sessions.

In a supportive environment with a therapist who has over 20 years experience you can learn how to reduce worrying by:

  • Learning a variety of relaxation and breathing strategies which can help you reduce your overall levels of stress and help you face anxiety-provoking situations.
  • Learning how to distinguish between worries that require your attention and worries that are unnecessary.
  • Learning skills to manage anxious thoughts and to tackle fears that may have been holding you back.While all your worries won’t disappear, you will be given strategies to manage them better and tools to reduce the impact they have on your life.

If you feel anxiety is standing in the way of you leading the life you want to, call me on 847 791-7722 or via the email form below. I see clients in my Northbrook office or if it is more convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

    Dr. Allen's professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

     If you found this information helpful please share it using one of the social media icons below.

    If you would like to see my future blog posts please go to the very top of my website and link to me by “Liking” my Facebook page or join me on Twitter, Google+ or LinkedIn.

    Mom’s Striking Photo 3 Days After Giving Birth Sparks Honest Confessions

    by Dr. Sarah Allen
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    This photo of a new mom holding her 3 day old baby has gone viral this week and Yahoo Parenting interviewed me to ask me why I thought women had been moved by this post in which Danielle Haines portrays the difficulties and raw emotions she experienced in the first few days of motherhood.

    I had a great conversation about Haines’ original post and image with Rachel Bertsche, a writer for Yahoo Parenting. Here is an excerpt from our conversation:

    “Dr. Sarah Allen, a psychologist who specializes in pregnancy and postpartum mental health, says Haines has done a service to all new mothers by sharing her photo. “We tend to picture a new mom cradling her baby, and she’s looking down and smiling and the baby is looking up at her lovingly, and the husband has his arm around the mom. Those are the images mothers are usually putting out there,” Allen tells Yahoo Parenting. “This is a mother saying, ‘This is the reality.’ I think it was so brave of her to share, and I applaud her. These things need to be shared. You don’t just have a baby and it suckles right away and it’s all happiness. It’s hard! If women realize that going in, they won’t be so hard on themselves when they have tough times.”

    Allen says that while 20 percent of mothers suffer from postpartum depression, 80 to 85 percent get postpartum blues, which occurs during the first two weeks of a baby’s life and is likely what Haines was dealing with when the photo was taken. “The transition in the first couple of weeks postpartum, it’s difficult. Women have a lot of thoughts and myths and fantasies about what those days should be like, and it can be very isolating when what you do feel is overwhelmed and loneliness,” she says. “Plus, there are the physical effects — having a baby, it’s a lot for your body to go through, and your hormones are all over the place.” And even though those baby blues are incredibly common, most women don’t talk about it, which Allen says makes the experience even harder”.

    Please read the complete Yahoo article here Mom’s Striking Photo 3 Days After Giving Birth Sparks Honest Confessions

    Just in case you didn’t read the original post, along with this photo Danielle Haines posted the comment below. It touched a nerve with the community as the post received over 20,000 Facebook shares and Likes.

    This is a picture of me 3 days postpartum. I was so raw and so open, I was a fucking mess. I loved my baby, I missed his daddy (he went back to work that day), I was mad at my mom, my heart hurt for my brother because my mom left us and now I had a little boy that looked like him, my nipples were cracked and bleeding, my milk was almost in, my baby was getting really hungry, I was feeling sad that people kill babies, like on purpose, I had not slept since I went into labor, I didn’t know how to put my boobs away, my vagina was sore from sitting on it while nursing constantly, I was kinda loosing my mind. Katie came over and feed me the morning this picture was taken. She might have even stopped over to feed me lunch. Then one of my 7 sisters came that evening to bring the family dinner, Sarah. Sarah took this picture of me. She walked in with food and said, “Hi! How are you!?” I said, “I’m a mess.” We talked, she listened, she said, “I’ve been right where you are.” It helped to know she went crazy once too!!! Then she said, “I know this might sound crazy but do you have a camera? You look so raw and so beautiful.” I’m so glad she took this picture. She was just planning to drop off food. She ended up staying for much longer. I needed her. She knew it. I called Rachel, I needed her. I needed her to nurse my baby, I needed more help with his latch. I called Shell. I needed her to tell me my baby was ok. This is real PP mamas. Those of you who have done it before….will you share what your immediate PP felt like?

    If you have any questions after reading this article or want to know more about treatment for pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders

    please contact me at 847 791-7722

    or click below

    Contact Sarah

     

    Therapist Focuses On Reducing Anxiety

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

     This article by Jackie Pilossoph was first published in the Northbrook Star The whole point of life is that it’s supposed to be enjoyed, so why do we settle for getting by and getting through it? We need to have fun and enjoy it! That’s something Northbrook psychologist, Dr. Sarah Allen, tells her patients, who […]

    Read the full article →

    Emotional Wellness Workshop Aimed At Helping New Moms

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

    The Northbrook Tower May 7, 2015 The Postpartum Depression Alliance of Illinois (PPD Alliance IL), an organization working to promote awareness, prevention and treatment of maternal mental health issues throughout Illinois, is pleased to announce a new, free workshop on May 20th. The workshop, “Emotional Wellness for New Moms,” will discuss the challenges new moms […]

    Read the full article →

    Untreated Postpartum Depression Can Lead To Chronic Depression

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

      Research published in January’s Harvard Review of Psychiatry showed evidence that although symptoms of postpartum depression (PPD) decrease over time, without treatment, clinical levels of symptoms can remain for many women leading them to experience chronic depression. The criteria for diagnosing PPD states that symptoms have to begin in the first year after having […]

    Read the full article →

    Postpartum Anxiety Or Normal Mom Fears? US News & World Report

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

      I was interviewed recently by Anna Miller at US News about Postpartum Anxiety. I think she did a great job of highlighting the effect anxiety can have on a new mom and how women often put up with feeling this way because they think it is just a part of parenting. She tells the […]

    Read the full article →

    How To Survive Family Holidays When Your Kids Are Young

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

    Okay, close your eyes and think of holidays, either Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukkah. Are you conjuring up images of your family sitting around the table, happy and smiling as they pass round the plates of steaming holiday food to each other or maybe you picture it snowing outside while you unwrap presents that everyone loves, […]

    Read the full article →

    Bed Rest & Emotional Health – Lying In Bed All Day Is Not As Fun As It Sounds

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

    Bed rest is never on anyone’s wish list for pregnancy but it is prescribed to nearly 20% of women in the US every year. Despite the comments about enjoying the rest while you can get it, lying in bed for part of, or all of the day (depending on how strict your guidelines are) gets […]

    Read the full article →

    Postpartum Depression

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

    Having a baby is a time of transition and frequently it is also a time when we feel overwhelmed, anxious and alone. Research has showed that about 20% of moms experience postpartum depression and anxiety and of course that is only the women reporting how they feel, the percentage is probably much higher! Help is […]

    Read the full article →

    Northbrook Star: May Named Perinatal Mood Disorders Awareness Month

    by Dr. Sarah Allen

    I can’t believe ten years have flown by since (in my role as director of the PPD Alliance of IL) I first approached the Illinois Governor’s office to ask that May be proclaimed Postpartum Depression Awareness Month in Illinois. Back then the governor was Rod Blagojevich. Luckily for us he agreed and a lot of […]

    Read the full article →
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    Pregnancy & Postpartum Disorder

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    PREGNANCY / POSTPARTUM MOOD SCREENING TEST EBOOK

    THE GUIDE TO PREGNANCY & POSTPARTUM STRESS, ANXIETY & DEPRESSION EBOOK

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  • Testimonials

    When I had my first baby I had what I now know was postpartum depression but I didn’t get any help. It did go away after about 18mths but it was a miserable way to begin motherhood.  When I was pregnant with my second child I started to become depressed again and this time told my OB/GYN how I was feeling and she referred me to Sarah. By starting to deal with how I felt and change the way I was handling the stresses in my life, I was in a much better place when my baby was born. The second time round my PPD was much less severe and didn’t last as long. Sarah was also really helpful in teaching me ways to make the transition of becoming a big sister easier for my oldest one too.   My husband came with me for some sessions and that really helped our relationship and we started working on parenting issues together.  Sarah’s counsel and support really helped our family transition to the good place we are all in today.
    Sara D.
    I began seeing Dr. Allen when my first child was around a year old. I had experienced a very traumatic birth, after a difficult pregnancy where I was on bed rest for a good portion of the time. The first year of my son’s life was spent worrying constantly. I also experienced flashbacks to the birth, which was an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. My son was in the NICU for several days following his birth, and I was not given very much information as to why. I remember thinking that he would die, or that something awful was going to happen. I experienced a great deal of anxiety that first year, and I thought that it was due to being a new mom. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating as normal, and I remember being worried about leaving the house or taking my baby with me anywhere. I worried constantly about illness, germs, etc. The first day that I saw Dr. Allen, she gave me some questionnaires to fill out before we started talking. Then we sat down and talked about my experiences with my son’s birth and the early days of his life, and the year or so since then. I remember to this day the relief that I felt when she looked at me and said that I had PPD and PTSD, which was a result of the trauma I experienced during and immediately after the birth of my son. She explained how my brain had reacted to the stress of these events, and related it to why I was feeling the way that I felt. It made so much sense. Then, she described ways that I could get over the trauma, work through the feelings, and recover from PTSD and PPD. I felt so empowered, and so happy that the way I felt had a name, and that it was treatable. It also made me feel so validated in the ways that I had felt and reacted following my son’s birth. I wasn’t going crazy. My reaction was normal and natural. And with the help of Dr. Allen, and the type of therapy that she uses, I knew I could recover. It is over five years since that first visit with Dr. Allen, and I still use the tools that she taught me today to deal with stress. I credit her with helping me to become a more empowered, happier person.
    Elizabeth
    I refer as many patients as I can to Dr. Allen. She is an expert in treating perinatal mood disorders, and a well-trained and experienced therapist who is committed to working with her clients to develop a treatment plan designed for each individual. She exhibits genuine warmth, kindness and compassion for each of her clients. Dr. Allen has been a colleague of mine for more than 20 years, and I have great confidence when I refer patients to her.
    Leslie Lowell StoutenburgRNC, MS, FACCE Director, Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder Program and President of Postpartum Support International
  • Recent Posts

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    • The Facts About Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety
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    • Birth Trauma – More Common Than You Think!
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    • Are You At Risk For Postpartum Anxiety Or Depression? Take The Quiz
    • Redbook Article : Men Get Postpartum Depression Too
    • How To Talk To Your Partner About Postpartum Depression, According To Experts!
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