• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • RSS
  • YoutubeYoutube
  • Linkedin
  • Instagram
Dr Sarah Allen LogoDr Sarah Allen Logo 847 791-7722 Telephone and online sessions available
  • Home
  • About Sarah
  • Media Interviews
  • Anxiety & Depression
    • Anxiety Treatment
    • FREE Anxiety Book
    • Depression Treatment
    • Free Depression Book
    • Simple Steps To Improve Your Mood Workshop
  • Pregnancy Postpartum
    • Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood Disorders
    • Free Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood Issues
    • New Mom Workshop
    • Women’s Counseling
  • Eating & Weight Issues
  • Couples & Families
    • Relationship Coaching
    • Family Therapy
    • Parenting Coaching
  • Fees & FAQs
    • Initial Assessment Forms
    • Fees & Insurance Info
    • Telephone & Video Counseling
    • Appointment
      Rescheduling Policy
  • Blog
    • All Blogs
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Relationship Coaching
    • Eating & Weight Issues
    • Family Counseling
    • Parenting
    • Pregnancy and Postpartum
    • Teens
    • Women’s Issues
  • Contact & Directions
  • Contact
  • Directions

Pregnancy and Postpartum

How To Support A New Mom Who Is Struggling With Postpartum Depression

by Dr. Sarah Allen
separator

 

Remote counselingIn response to COVID-19 concerns, I am currently offering remote appointments. Read more about how remote counseling works Dr. Allen Telephone & Video Sessions

 

Having a baby is a huge life transition and for approximately 1 in 7 women it can lead to them experiencing anxiety and/or depression. Less commonly, difficult childbirth can trigger post traumatic stress symptoms (PTSD) for approximately 6% of women and 3-5% of new moms experience obsessive-compulsive (OCD) symptoms.

(Read more about the different types of postpartum mood disorders here Is It Postpartum Depression Or Something Else?)

Despite these statistics, many women do not tell anyone how they are feeling because of overwhelming feelings of guilt and/or believing they are alone in feeling this way. So even if your friend or family member appears to be coping just fine, please offer some practical and emotional support as you can’t really tell what is going on inside of someone’s head.

If you are worried about your her, tread gently and follow these tips.

How To Successfully Offer Practical Help

I know you are wanting to help, that’s why you are reading this article but don’t fall into the trap of saying “just let me know how I can help!” You’ll offer will probably not be taken up on because many women, especially women who are struggling with postpartum mood disorders, don’t like to ask for help.

I have heard many of my clients say that they see needing help as some sort of mom failure. Moms are expected to be able to do this. Look around, these other moms are coping just fine.  Of course, a lot of moms aren’t coping just fine, they just aren’t telling anyone. Accepting help and challenging the idea that all the other moms can do it all are some of the first things I work on with new moms but in the meantime, if you want to help, be persistent in your offers of help.

Be Specific

Don’t leave an offer of help open-ended, be more specific. Perhaps share what help you really appreciated when you had your baby or give her a forced choice; would you like me to sit and hold the baby this afternoon while you do something or you sit and hold him and chat to me while I fold the baby’s laundry? There’s always baby laundry to do!

Sit With Her

It can be very isolating being at home with a baby and a depressed mom often finds it difficult to get up the effort to socialize so a low key, one on one chat, can be very supportive. Just having another person there, especially if she is feeling anxious about being alone with the baby can be helpful, if you can.

Of course be mindful of her needing alone time too so not staying longer than wanted. Have her set the time she needs company for.

Hang Out With Her Older Child

If this is a second baby, moms don’t get the same opportunity to rest or get things done when the baby naps as they perhaps did with their first baby so offering to take her older one can be a big help. If you have a similar age child, frame it as helping you out too to have a playmate for your child, as this can help lessen her possible mom guilt.

Give Her Alone Time

Once she feels comfortable leaving her baby for a while, offer to stay with the baby while she does something for herself or maybe with her older child if she has one as her time to focus on the older one is limited when a baby comes along. Lots of moms feel guilty wanting to have some time to themselves. You can look after a baby best when you are not so depleted so allow her some time to fill up her emotional and physical reservoir. We have more energy to look after our loved ones when we take a little time to care for ourselves. Self-care means different things to different people so ask her what she would like to do with a couple of hours to herself.

Emotional Support Is Just As Important

 

Encourage Her To Talk

First of all encourage your friend to talk about how she feels without judgement or advice. Women often don’t need a fix but to just be listened to so they can process how they feel about the transition. If you have a child, normalizing her experience by talking about what you found hard too can help as long as you don’t turn it round to be all about your own experience.

Validate The Things She Does Well

When someone is not coping they tend to focus on all the things they feel they have done badly and tend to ignore the things they are doing well. Validate her efforts and remind her of all the things she has accomplished that day in the course of caring and seeing to her child. Point out how well the baby is thriving and how s/he just smiled at her. Acknowledge how difficult it is to manage on broken sleep and be responsible for a baby.

Let Her Know She Is Not Alone

Just letting her know you are right there with her and will give her whatever support she needs will be a huge comfort. Next do a little research on her behalf and send her links to websites that talk about how common it is to for new moms to experience postpartum anxiety and/or depression (about 1 in 7 women remember).

As well as being a psychologist in private practice offering counseling to moms, I am the director of the Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL. Our website www.PPDil.org provides information and email and phone support from volunteers so if you didn’t go through a postpartum mood disorder yourself and feel out of your depth, giving her the information of people who have been through it themselves and know how to help can be very useful.

The PPD Alliance of IL serves Illinois families but Postpartum Support International www.postpartum.net lists similar resources to ours across most of the states. Of course we don’t turn anyone away and will offer support to all women who contact us and then link you up with your own state to find local support groups and professionals.

Help Her Access Professional Support

If she experiences depression and/or anxiety for more than two weeks find professional help for her. Women recover more quickly the sooner they access professional help.

Another way to offer support, which I think is both practical and emotional, is to call ahead to all of the mental health professionals that are in your area that help women with postpartum mood disorders and do the leg work which many new moms feel too overwhelmed to do.

Get details of location, cost and also ask the professionals about their specialist training in postpartum mood disorders, how many years that have been treating women and how many patients they have actually treated. Many therapists now say they treat this but their experience and training differs widely from years of experience and training to completing a weekend course and only having seen a few women so far. Any therapist who minds you asking isn’t someone you’d want to see.

Offer to drive your friend to her psychologist’s appointment, and sit in the waiting area with the baby so she can be near the baby (especially important if she is anxious) but not distracted so she can really talk.

My own therapy practice is based in Northbrook, IL and I do offer remote counseling by phone and Skype-like sessions to women in Illinois seeking help who live too far away to drive to my office https://drsarahallen.com/telephone-online-sessions/

 

If you would like to read more of my Pregnancy & Postpartum related articles please click  Dr. Allen’s Pregnancy & Postpartum Blog

 

 

If you want to read more about maternal mental health download the FREE Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression. It is full of information about symptoms, different types of maternal mood disorders and advice about what to do to start feeling like yourself again.

THE GUIDE TO PREGNANCY & POSTPARTUM STRESS, ANXIETY & DEPRESSION ebookPREGNANCY / POSTPARTUM MOOD SCREENING TEST ebook

You've just been sent an email that contains a confirmation link. Check your SPAM/JUNK folder if you don't see it within a couple of minutes. In order to activate to receive your free booklet, click on the CONFIRM link and you will be sent a second email with the booklet. It may also be in your SPAM folder.

 

Dr. Sarah Allen has 20+ years experience as a psychologist helping women transition to being the mom they want to be. She is also the Director of the Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL, a non-profit offering info and support to pregnant and postpartum moms and their families.

In her Northbrook office, in the North Suburbs of Chicago, or via telephone or online counseling she offers the most convenient way for you to access support and help.

If you have questions after reading this article or the Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.

    Dr. Allen's professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

     

    Dr Sarah Allen small logoIf you would like to read my blog posts of a variety of topics such as Anxiety, Depression, Parenting, Emotional Eating and Couples & Family Counseling click  Dr. Allen’s Blog and then go to the relevant section that interests you.

     

    If you found this information helpful please share!

    What Are The Baby Blues?

    by Dr. Sarah Allen
    separator

    If you are reading this you have probably recently had a baby. Are you feeling less joy than you expected to?  One of the myths of motherhood is that we will enjoy every moment and also that as soon as you deliver, you will look down and bond with your little one.

    Yes, having a baby can be joyful, their tiny little fingers and toes, the smell of their hair, but if this is your first baby you might not know that it is very common to feel weepy and moody too.

    The “baby blues” affects 60-80% of all new mothers. It usually occurs within the first three days following birth and continues for a couple of weeks and goes away on its own.

     

    What Do The Baby Blues Feel Like?

    If you have the baby blues, you may:

    • Feel worried, irritable or nervous, especially about being a ‘good’ mother

    • Feel sad and cry a lot over things that typically wouldn’t bother you

    • Feel moody or cranky, especially with those close to you

    • Have trouble sleeping (even when your baby is asleep), eating or making decisions

    • Feel overwhelmed

    • Feel trapped

     

    What Causes The Baby Blues?

    The baby blues can be triggered by physical changes, emotional factors, or both. After birth your hormone levels of estrogen and progesterone, which are very high during pregnancy, plummet. As they drop, your breasts become engorged as your milk comes in and you are likely to be exhausted. On top of all this, you may also be having to play host to numerous visitors wanting to see the new baby.

    There are emotional changes as well as the physical ones. Infants are so tiny and vulnerable and need around the clock care. You may be anxious about your baby’s well being and you are adjusting to your new responsibilities and role as a parent (of if this is not your first child, as your role as a mother of 2 children etc..).
     

    What Can You Do About The Baby Blues?

    The baby blues usually goes away on their own without treatment within about 2 weeks.

    As well as being a mom of three myself, I have met hundreds of new moms in the 20 years I have been treating pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders. Below is a list I have compiled from asking them ‘What really helped when you were overwhelmed and stressed?

    So here are 25 things that you can do now, and in the future, to reduce the stress of being a mom. Good self-care and realistic expectations are helpful for every mom.

    1. Do not expect too much from yourself right now.

    2. Take short breaks from the baby.

    3. Avoid overdoing anything.

    4. Get out of the house.

    5. Set small goals for yourself.

    6. Eat healthily every 3 -4 hours to keep your blood sugar levels (and therefore mood) even.

    7. Screen phone calls.

    8. Set limits with your guests.

    9. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

    10. Delegate household duties.

    11. Let others know what they can do to help.

    12. Let your partner/family/friends know how you are feeling.

    13. Be very specific about what you need from your partner.

    14. Avoid people who make you feel bad and seek out those who make you feel good.

    15. Lose any expectations you have of yourself & others that can’t possibly be fulfilled.

    16. Trust your instincts. You are doing many things right!

    17. Expect some good days and some bad days.

    18. Prioritize what needs to be done and what can wait.

    19. Thank your partner/family/friends for helping you.

    20. Don’t compare yourself to others.

    21. Do not blame yourself.

    22. Do the best you can. If it doesn’t feel like enough, it’s enough for now.

    23. Give yourself permission to have negative feelings but also catch yourself doing something well or experiencing something positive rather than only dwelling on the negatives.

    24. Remind yourself that all adjustment takes time.

    25. Don’t feel guilty, it wastes energy!

    I think we need to have more awareness about the baby blues, firstly because so many women experience it – 60-80% – and secondly, because knowing something is likely to happen allows you to prepare for it and not feel there is something wrong with you. Women so often feel guilt and shame that they are not feeling the way they think the perfect mother should feel.

    Remember, for most women, these feelings go away within a couple of weeks but if they don’t, you may be one of the 15-20% of women who are experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression.

    Please read this post below to understand more about the types of mood disorders that can happen:

    Is It Postpartum Depression Or Something Else?

    If you would like to read more of my Pregnancy & Postpartum related articles please click  Dr. Allen’s Pregnancy & Postpartum Blog

    If you want to read more about maternal mental health download the FREE Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression. It is full of information about symptoms, different types of maternal mood disorders and advice about what to do to start feeling like yourself again.

    THE GUIDE TO PREGNANCY & POSTPARTUM STRESS, ANXIETY & DEPRESSION ebookPREGNANCY / POSTPARTUM MOOD SCREENING TEST ebook

    You've just been sent an email that contains a confirmation link. Check your SPAM/JUNK folder if you don't see it within a couple of minutes. In order to activate to receive your free booklet, click on the CONFIRM link and you will be sent a second email with the booklet. It may also be in your SPAM folder.

     

    Dr. Sarah Allen has 20+ years experience as a psychologist helping women transition to being the mom they want to be. She is also the Director of the Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL, a non-profit offering info and support to pregnant and postpartum moms and their families.

    In her Northbrook office, in the North Suburbs of Chicago, or via telephone or online counseling she offers the most convenient way for you to access support and help.

    If you have questions after reading this article or the Guide To Pregnancy & Postpartum Stress, Anxiety & Depression or have any questions about how counseling can be useful to your particular circumstances please contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.

      Dr. Allen's professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

       

      Dr Sarah Allen small logoIf you would like to read my blog posts of a variety of topics such as Anxiety, Depression, Parenting, Emotional Eating and Couples & Family Counseling click  Dr. Allen’s Blog and then go to the relevant section that interests you.

       

      If you found this information helpful please share!

       

      Top 100 Postpartum Blog Posts

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      I was beyond excited when I got the email from Feedspot.com notifying me that my Pregnancy & Postpartum blog was rated Number 8 in the world! I love sharing information so it is accessible to a wide audience, not just my clients, and I am so happy that others are finding the content useful. I […]

      Read the full article →

      Dads Are At Risk For Depression After A Baby Too!

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      We know that approximately 15 to 20 percent of new mothers experience depression in the first year after giving birth and also that maternal depression can negatively affect both a children’s cognitive and behavioral development. Mounting studies are now showing that becoming a father increases a man’s risk of experiencing anxiety and depression as well […]

      Read the full article →

      Top 10 Pregnancy & Postpartum Blog Posts

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

        Here are my top 10 most viewed blog posts about pregnancy and postpartum issues and rather than having to search though all my blogs, or only see the most recent ones, I thought it would be helpful to put them in one post. During the 20+ years I have been working with pregnant and […]

      Read the full article →

      10 Tips For New Moms About Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood Disorders

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      We have this image of a smiling pregnant mom, hands resting on her “bump” and being radiant. Or perhaps our mental image of motherhood is a new mother looking lovingly at the infant she is cradling. Dad’s arm draped over her shoulder smiling down at the baby. Then we have the reality. Being pregnant or […]

      Read the full article →

      Join Us For A Free Emotional Wellness For Moms Workshop

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

        Is motherhood the experience you expected it to be? For many women both their pregnancy and/or the year after having a baby can be very stressful. Are you pregnant and wondering what life will be like when this new baby arrives?​​​​​ Pregnant with your second and worried how your first born will adapt and […]

      Read the full article →

      The Truth About Depression During Pregnancy

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      Most people are familiar with, or at least have heard of, Postpartum Depression (PPD) now. This wasn’t the case when I first moved to the USA 17 years ago but there have been great strides in awareness and provision of resources for new moms in the past few years. There is a growing body of […]

      Read the full article →

      33 Things A Stressed Mom Can Do To Look After Herself

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      I think as mothers, we expect ourselves to be putting others’ needs first. That’s what mothers do, right? Yes, that’s what a lot of us do but after having three children I realize I am a better mom when I make a little time for myself and connect to things that make me relaxed and […]

      Read the full article →

      Types Of Anxiety Disorders

      by Dr. Sarah Allen

      Anxiety, worry and stress are a part of everyday life. It can be helpful in spurring us on in to action, for example when we worry about a test, we study, or warn us that a difficult situation is ahead so we can prepare for it. Anxiety becomes a disorder though when the symptoms become […]

      Read the full article →
      • « Go to Previous Page
      • Go to page 1
      • Go to page 2
      • Go to page 3
      • Go to page 4
      • Interim pages omitted …
      • Go to page 8
      • Go to Next Page »

      Pregnancy & Postpartum Disorder

    • Download These Free Reports

      PREGNANCY / POSTPARTUM MOOD SCREENING TEST EBOOK

      THE GUIDE TO PREGNANCY & POSTPARTUM STRESS, ANXIETY & DEPRESSION EBOOK

    • Please Enter Your Email To Download This Booklet

      You've just been sent an email that contains a confirmation link. Check your SPAM/JUNK folder if you don't see it within a couple of minutes. In order to activate to receive your free booklet, click on the CONFIRM link and you will be sent a second email with the booklet. It may also be in your SPAM folder.

    • WXRP Radio - The Healing Place


      Dr. Sarah Allen is interviewed about Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood Disorders


        Listen to the show here

    • Testimonials

      When I had my first baby I had what I now know was postpartum depression but I didn’t get any help. It did go away after about 18mths but it was a miserable way to begin motherhood.  When I was pregnant with my second child I started to become depressed again and this time told my OB/GYN how I was feeling and she referred me to Sarah. By starting to deal with how I felt and change the way I was handling the stresses in my life, I was in a much better place when my baby was born. The second time round my PPD was much less severe and didn’t last as long. Sarah was also really helpful in teaching me ways to make the transition of becoming a big sister easier for my oldest one too.   My husband came with me for some sessions and that really helped our relationship and we started working on parenting issues together.  Sarah’s counsel and support really helped our family transition to the good place we are all in today.
      Sara D.
      I began seeing Dr. Allen when my first child was around a year old. I had experienced a very traumatic birth, after a difficult pregnancy where I was on bed rest for a good portion of the time. The first year of my son’s life was spent worrying constantly. I also experienced flashbacks to the birth, which was an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. My son was in the NICU for several days following his birth, and I was not given very much information as to why. I remember thinking that he would die, or that something awful was going to happen. I experienced a great deal of anxiety that first year, and I thought that it was due to being a new mom. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating as normal, and I remember being worried about leaving the house or taking my baby with me anywhere. I worried constantly about illness, germs, etc. The first day that I saw Dr. Allen, she gave me some questionnaires to fill out before we started talking. Then we sat down and talked about my experiences with my son’s birth and the early days of his life, and the year or so since then. I remember to this day the relief that I felt when she looked at me and said that I had PPD and PTSD, which was a result of the trauma I experienced during and immediately after the birth of my son. She explained how my brain had reacted to the stress of these events, and related it to why I was feeling the way that I felt. It made so much sense. Then, she described ways that I could get over the trauma, work through the feelings, and recover from PTSD and PPD. I felt so empowered, and so happy that the way I felt had a name, and that it was treatable. It also made me feel so validated in the ways that I had felt and reacted following my son’s birth. I wasn’t going crazy. My reaction was normal and natural. And with the help of Dr. Allen, and the type of therapy that she uses, I knew I could recover. It is over five years since that first visit with Dr. Allen, and I still use the tools that she taught me today to deal with stress. I credit her with helping me to become a more empowered, happier person.
      Elizabeth
      I refer as many patients as I can to Dr. Allen. She is an expert in treating perinatal mood disorders, and a well-trained and experienced therapist who is committed to working with her clients to develop a treatment plan designed for each individual. She exhibits genuine warmth, kindness and compassion for each of her clients. Dr. Allen has been a colleague of mine for more than 20 years, and I have great confidence when I refer patients to her.
      Leslie Lowell StoutenburgRNC, MS, FACCE Director, Pregnancy & Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder Program and President of Postpartum Support International
    • Recent Posts

      • Online Therapy For Pregnant and New Moms
      • The Facts About Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety
      • Is It Postpartum Depression Or Something Else?
      • When Your Baby’s Cry Causes You Anxiety
      • When Your Childbirth Experience Wasn’t What You Hoped For
      • Birth Trauma – More Common Than You Think!
      • 6 Tips For Coping After A Miscarriage
      • Are You At Risk For Postpartum Anxiety Or Depression? Take The Quiz
      • Redbook Article : Men Get Postpartum Depression Too
      • How To Talk To Your Partner About Postpartum Depression, According To Experts!
    • Footer

      As featured in...

      sponsors
      Contact SarahDr. Sarah Allen
      • Facebook
      • Twitter
      • RSS
      • YoutubeYoutube
      • Linkedin
      • Instagram

      COPYRIGHT © 2018 DR. SARAH ALLEN INC. 3400 DUNDEE ROAD, SUITE 245, NORTHBROOK, IL 60062 . TEL: (847) 791-7722 . FAX: (847) 562-9352 | FEES & INSURANCE | FORMS

      SERVING NORTHBROOK & CHICAGO NORTHSHORE COMMUNITIES INCL. ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, BUFFALO GROVE, DEERFIELD, DES PLAINES, EVANSTON, GLENCOE, GLENVIEW, HIGHLAND PARK, LAKE FOREST, LINCOLNSHIRE, MORTON GROVE, NORTHFIELD, RIVERWOODS, SKOKIE, VERNON HILLS, WHEELING, WILMETTE AND WINNETKA.