Anxiety

So here’s what I recently heard. If you adopt a strong powerful pose like the ‘Wonder Woman’ stance above, it can actually change your brain and cortisol levels and increase your confidence and reduce stress! Really? Where’s the evidence?

Actually, there is lots of evidence to back this claim up. I went to see Ann Cuddy talk about her newest book called Presence – Bringing Your Boldest Self To Your Biggest Challenges and I have to say it was one of the most informative talks I have seen for a long time. If you haven’t heard of Ann, she is a Harvard Business school professor whose 2012 Ted Talk entitled “Your body language shapes who you are” was an internet sensation with over 30 million views. I think it was so popular because, in a very engaging way, she gave us some quick and simple strategies to feel more confident in difficult situations.

Her most well-known pose is dubbed “Wonder Woman” modeled above. She suggests that before a stressful meeting (such as an interview) you stand in the bathroom, hands on hips, feet apart and chin up for two minutes. Smile at yourself in the bathroom mirror and tell yourself you’re great. Her research showed again and again that when people adopt an expansive confident stance they actually performed better in their interview.

So why would that work? She talked about how by adopting a positive and strong body pose actually subconsciously changes the brain give us a message that we are a confident person. It also reduces cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and so reduces stress levels.

Yes, body language tells others the way you feel about yourself but it also shapes the way you feel about yourself. Look confident = Feel confident!

I don’t think we need to limit ourselves to doing this just in job interviews. Think of any difficult situation. Perhaps you have to have a conversation with a loved one that you think is going to be tricky or make a phone call when you hate talking on the phone. Subsequent studies have shown that this works in all sorts of situations, not just highly stressful ones. Give it a try, I have and it does really work.

Cuddy talks a lot about adopting an ‘expansive stance’, she means let your body take up space. Be seen! In general, men, more than women, tend to take up space whereas women cross their arms, fold inwards and take up less space. By sitting up straight, widening your arms, you are drawing attention to yourself. This is okay! Be strong and be wide and be seen as confident and more knowledgeable.

So one of my takeaways from Ann’s presentation was that it is useful to sit tall and confidently in everyday interactions and your general demeanor will automatically become more confident. People will probably treat you differently too. It’s a positive cycle!

I have to mention that when she was talking about how body language affects the way we feel and are perceived by others everyone in the auditorium started sitting up a little straighter and unfolded their arms which made me smile.

One of the most fascinating parts of her talk last night was about the body language of depressed and anxious people. When depressed, people tend to hunch their shoulders over, arms tucked in to their bodies and chin down. Just like we all are doing when we spend hours on our smart phones!

If our body language is influencing our brain and the way in which we think (as Ann’s research has shown) will we find that as we become more of a nation of smart phone users we will become more depressed?

She also discussed how when her teen is on his phone she can tell when whatever he is looking at is upsetting him because he folds more into himself (maybe he is not getting Likes on his social media post or someone in a group chat is being mean). When this happens she suggests putting down the phone and actively engaging in an activity or a real conversation (with her preferably) when he is willing.

So at the end of the presentation I of course bought her book. I haven’t read all of it yet but it expands on all of these ideas and more and I strongly suggest it as a good read.

I will be sharing these techniques when working with my clients to help them feel more confident. During therapy sessions I use cognitive behavioral therapy which helps people identify the thoughts they have that are contributing to negative feelings. If we think we are no good at something, we hold back, look and feel less confident about it. A self-fulfilling prophecy really.

Two people can experience a similar experience, but the way they think about it affects their emotions and of course their body language. Isn’t it wonderfully simple to put the positive body language first and then have the thoughts and positive feelings follow. I’m not saying it is the only way to improve self-esteem and confidence but even if it helps just a bit it’s worth a try isn’t it!

 

About the blog author:

Dr. Sarah Allen is an experienced psychologist recognized by clients, peers and other professionals for her ability to quickly help people get “unstuck” and move forward in their lives.

Dr. Allen sees clients in her

Northbrook office

Or if you are not able to come in to her office she can provide

telephone or online counseling

to make therapy more convenient for you.

If you have any questions after reading this article or want to know more about treatment, please contact Sarah at 847 791-7722 or on the form below

Here’s a link to Ann’s Ted Talk if you would like to watch it “Your body language shapes who you are”.

So Why Do We Worry About Things?

Worries bother us. We can’t sleep or concentrate because we have pessimistic thoughts going round and around in our head, but in a way, worries make sense as they pull us in to a false sense of feeling in control. We’re doing something, even if it is just worrying.

You continue to worry because our mind thinks:

• Maybe I’ll find a solution.
• I don’t want to overlook anything.
• If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I’ll figure it out.
• I don’t want to be surprised. If I consider all the possible outcomes I’ll be more in control when something bad happens.

We can have a hard time giving up on our worries because, in a sense, our worries have been working for us.

So now I’ve pointed that out, let’s just stop worrying then! Unfortunately, telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work for long. You can distract yourself or suppress the thoughts, but they keep popping back up.

Instead I would like you to distinguish between whether your worry is solvable or not.

 This is the number 1 question to ask yourself.

 

It is helpful to go into a bit more depth and also ask.

 

 

Learning To Accept Difficult Feelings When Worry Is Not Solvable

If the problem is in the past then you have to decide whether to say something to the person involved or do nothing and accept what happened. If the worry isn’t something you can solve, you have to do nothing and practice acceptance. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel bad though. In such cases, it’s important to tune into your emotions. Your brain is so busy going over and over pretend conversations with the person that caused the hurt that it gives a temporary sense of control that something is being done. But it’s not really allowing you to get over it and it doesn’t allow you time to feel.

The only way out of this is by embracing your feelings. Sometimes we just can’t control events and we have to embrace uncertainty. Sometimes we are hurt and angry but there is nothing that can be done, but feel our emotions. You are in control. You are deciding to feel your feelings so you can eventually let it go.

What to Do When the Worry Is Solvable

If the worry is solvable we can use Active Worrying. This is where worrying serves a purpose. For example we worry about a deadline at work and that motivates us to get the project done.

It is really important to differentiate between a worry that can be solved and one that we can’t do anything about.

Active worrying involves brainstorming ideas about all the possible solutions you can think of (try not to get hung up on finding a perfect solution though) and then make a plan that focuses on things you have the power to change.

Once you have a plan of action and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less worried.

This technique is also very useful when you are stuck in an argument with someone. First identify what is the problem you are arguing about. Then brainstorm all the things you can possible do about the problem and the likely outcomes and then make a joint plan of action.

 

If you would like to see a video I made that talks about these tips please check out The Best Question To Reduce Worrying & Anxiety Video

 

 

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?
2. What should I do if I feel panicky?
3. How can I stop worrying about everything: my children, partner, friends, work, my “to do” list….

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

If after reading the booklet you feel ready to start working on reducing your anxiety but need support, I can help you overcome worrying in one-on-one individual counseling sessions.

In a supportive environment with a therapist who has over 20 years experience you can learn how to reduce worrying by:

• Learning a variety of relaxation and breathing strategies which can help you reduce your overall levels of stress and help you face anxiety-provoking situations.
• Learning how to distinguish between worries that require your attention and worries that are unnecessary.
• Learning skills to manage anxious thoughts and to tackle fears that may have been holding you back.While all your worries won’t disappear, you will be given strategies to manage them better and tools to reduce the impact they have on your life.

If you feel anxiety is standing in the way of you leading the life you want to, call me on 847 791-7722 or via the email form below. I see clients in my Northbrook office or if it is more convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

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