Anxiety

So Why Do We Worry About Things?

Worries bother us. We can’t sleep or concentrate because we have pessimistic thoughts going round and around in our head, but in a way, worries make sense as they pull us in to a false sense of feeling in control. We’re doing something, even if it is just worrying.

You continue to worry because our mind thinks:

• Maybe I’ll find a solution.
• I don’t want to overlook anything.
• If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I’ll figure it out.
• I don’t want to be surprised. If I consider all the possible outcomes I’ll be more in control when something bad happens.

We can have a hard time giving up on our worries because, in a sense, our worries have been working for us.

So now I’ve pointed that out, let’s just stop worrying then! Unfortunately, telling yourself to stop worrying doesn’t work for long. You can distract yourself or suppress the thoughts, but they keep popping back up.

Instead I would like you to distinguish between whether your worry is solvable or not.

 This is the number 1 question to ask yourself.

 

It is helpful to go into a bit more depth and also ask.

 

 

Learning To Accept Difficult Feelings When Worry Is Not Solvable

If the problem is in the past then you have to decide whether to say something to the person involved or do nothing and accept what happened. If the worry isn’t something you can solve, you have to do nothing and practice acceptance. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel bad though. In such cases, it’s important to tune into your emotions. Your brain is so busy going over and over pretend conversations with the person that caused the hurt that it gives a temporary sense of control that something is being done. But it’s not really allowing you to get over it and it doesn’t allow you time to feel.

The only way out of this is by embracing your feelings. Sometimes we just can’t control events and we have to embrace uncertainty. Sometimes we are hurt and angry but there is nothing that can be done, but feel our emotions. You are in control. You are deciding to feel your feelings so you can eventually let it go.

What to Do When the Worry Is Solvable

If the worry is solvable we can use Active Worrying. This is where worrying serves a purpose. For example we worry about a deadline at work and that motivates us to get the project done.

It is really important to differentiate between a worry that can be solved and one that we can’t do anything about.

Active worrying involves brainstorming ideas about all the possible solutions you can think of (try not to get hung up on finding a perfect solution though) and then make a plan that focuses on things you have the power to change.

Once you have a plan of action and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less worried.

This technique is also very useful when you are stuck in an argument with someone. First identify what is the problem you are arguing about. Then brainstorm all the things you can possible do about the problem and the likely outcomes and then make a joint plan of action.

 

If you would like to see a video I made that talks about these tips please check out The Best Question To Reduce Worrying & Anxiety Video

 

 

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?
2. What should I do if I feel panicky?
3. How can I stop worrying about everything: my children, partner, friends, work, my “to do” list….

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

If after reading the booklet you feel ready to start working on reducing your anxiety but need support, I can help you overcome worrying in one-on-one individual counseling sessions.

In a supportive environment with a therapist who has over 20 years experience you can learn how to reduce worrying by:

• Learning a variety of relaxation and breathing strategies which can help you reduce your overall levels of stress and help you face anxiety-provoking situations.
• Learning how to distinguish between worries that require your attention and worries that are unnecessary.
• Learning skills to manage anxious thoughts and to tackle fears that may have been holding you back.While all your worries won’t disappear, you will be given strategies to manage them better and tools to reduce the impact they have on your life.

If you feel anxiety is standing in the way of you leading the life you want to, call me on 847 791-7722 or via the email form below. I see clients in my Northbrook office or if it is more convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

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 This article by Jackie Pilossoph was first published in the Northbrook Star

The whole point of life is that it’s supposed to be enjoyed, so why do we settle for getting by and getting through it? We need to have fun and enjoy it!

That’s something Northbrook psychologist, Dr. Sarah Allen, tells her patients, who she said are typically women in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s suffering from issues that stem from anxiety.

“People are so consumed by the stress of work and children that they forget what they’re here for,” said Allen, who is a psychologist and a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. “Life can throw challenges, but if you are resilient, you can take those challenges head on, and the key to having resilience is looking after yourself and your own needs.”

Dr. Allen grew up in Portsmouth, England, and said she knew she wanted to become a psychologist at a very young age. She attended both undergraduate and graduate school in London, and as part of the curriculum, she worked in the maternity ward of a London hospital, an experience she said made her feel connected to women.

“I saw a need that wasn’t being addressed,” said Allen, who ended up being one of the first psychology students to do research on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) following childbirth.

When she finished her dissertation, she began working with children and families, and moms who were suffering from depression.

“Women have a lot of pressure that we put on ourselves, and that society also puts on us,” she Allen, who is a mother of three and who has lived in Northbrook with her husband,  and their children for 17 years. “We’re always running. We’re working and running the house and trying to spend time with our children. It’s a lot.”

Allen, who has been in private practice in Northbrook for 16 years offers individual, couples and family therapy. In her living room style office with French country decor; which includes yellow painted walls, comfortable furniture, and a huge picture window with a view of large Oak trees, Allen said her goal is for her patients to relax, and feel like they can say anything to her.

“People often say, ‘This is going to shock you’, and I tell them that in 20 years of being a therapist, nothing shocks me”, she said. Allen treats anxiety, worrying and depression caused by issues such as relationships, work stress emotional eating, parenting stress, postpartum depression, and juggling work life balance.

“Stress is very sneaky and you don’t realize how much it can affect you” said Allen, who also puts on several workshops throughout the year at various Northbrook venues, including the Northbrook Public Library. “It affects mood, concentration, sex drive, immune system, and the digestive system, and has significant effects on other physical health problems.”

Allen said in treating her patients, she doesn’t spend time focusing on the past, but instead offers tools to help them cope with present day challenges.

“I help patients get back in control of their lives,” Allen said. “By taking control and thinking about things differently, and changing your thoughts and behavior, you can enjoy life more.”

A Northbrook mom who chose not to be identified for this article was a patient of Allen’s for a year and a half after struggling with anxiety for several years, which intensified after her pregnancies.

“What I love about Sarah is that she is very real and very into practical solutions”, she said. “She wasn’t there just to listen. She gave me actual strategies for dealing with anxiety”.

“I want people to be empowered,” Allen said. “Therapy is giving people tools to stop worrying, to sleep better, to eat better and to be healthier and happier.”

Dr. Allen has put together a booklet with some strategies that she is always giving to her clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

Dr. Allen sees clients in her Northbrook office or for your convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you have any questions about how to reduce anxiety

please phone her at 847 791-7722 or

email me below