If you are reading this you have probably recently had a baby. Are you feeling less joy than you expected to? One of the myths of motherhood is that we will enjoy every moment and also that as soon as you deliver, you will look down and bond with your little one.
Yes, having a baby can be joyful, their tiny little fingers and toes, the smell of their hair, but if this is your first baby you might not know that it is very common to feel weepy and moody too.
The “baby blues” affects 60-80% of all new mothers. It usually occurs within the first three days following birth and continues for a couple of weeks and goes away on its own.
What Do The Baby Blues Feel Like?
If you have the baby blues, you may:
Feel worried, irritable or nervous, especially about being a ‘good’ mother
Feel sad and cry a lot over things that typically wouldn’t bother you
Feel moody or cranky, especially with those close to you
Have trouble sleeping (even when your baby is asleep), eating or making decisions
Feel overwhelmed
Feel trapped
What Causes The Baby Blues?
The baby blues can be triggered by physical changes, emotional factors, or both. After birth your hormone levels of estrogen and progesterone, which are very high during pregnancy, plummet. As they drop, your breasts become engorged as your milk comes in and you are likely to be exhausted. On top of all this, you may also be having to play host to numerous visitors wanting to see the new baby.
There are emotional changes as well as the physical ones. Infants are so tiny and vulnerable and need around the clock care. You may be anxious about your baby’s well being and you are adjusting to your new responsibilities and role as a parent (of if this is not your first child, as your role as a mother of 2 children etc..).
What Can You Do About The Baby Blues?
The baby blues usually goes away on their own without treatment within about 2 weeks.
As well as being a mom of three myself, I have met hundreds of new moms in the 20 years I have been treating pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders. Below is a list I have compiled from asking them ‘What really helped when you were overwhelmed and stressed?
So here are 25 things that you can do now, and in the future, to reduce the stress of being a mom. Good self-care and realistic expectations are helpful for every mom.
Do not expect too much from yourself right now.
Take short breaks from the baby.
Avoid overdoing anything.
Get out of the house.
Set small goals for yourself.
Eat healthily every 3 -4 hours to keep your blood sugar levels (and therefore mood) even.
Screen phone calls.
Set limits with your guests.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Delegate household duties.
Let others know what they can do to help.
Let your partner/family/friends know how you are feeling.
Be very specific about what you need from your partner.
Avoid people who make you feel bad and seek out those who make you feel good.
Lose any expectations you have of yourself & others that can’t possibly be fulfilled.
Trust your instincts. You are doing many things right!
Expect some good days and some bad days.
Prioritize what needs to be done and what can wait.
Thank your partner/family/friends for helping you.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Do not blame yourself.
Do the best you can. If it doesn’t feel like enough, it’s enough for now.
Give yourself permission to have negative feelings but also catch yourself doing something well or experiencing something positive rather than only dwelling on the negatives.
Remind yourself that all adjustment takes time.
Don’t feel guilty, it wastes energy!
I think we need to have more awareness about the baby blues, firstly because so many women experience it – 60-80% – and secondly, because knowing something is likely to happen allows you to prepare for it and not feel there is something wrong with you. Women so often feel guilt and shame that they are not feeling the way they think the perfect mother should feel.
Remember, for most women, these feelings go away within a couple of weeks but if they don’t, you may be one of the 15-20% of women who are experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression.
Dr. Sarah Allen has 25+ years of experience in private practice helping women to transition to being the mom they want to be. She is the Founding Director of the statewide non-profit Postpartum Depression Alliance of IL. She also specializes in pregnancy loss & infertility & has published research on postpartum depression and traumatic childbirth.
If you would like to work with Sarah, please phone her at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.
If you would like to read more about me and my areas of specialty, please visit Dr. Sarah Allen Bio. Dr. Allen’s professional license only allows her to work with clients who live in IL & FL & the UK and unfortunately does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.
What Can I Read That Helps Me While I Am Waiting For My First Appointment With Sarah?
If you feel that you may be experiencing pregnancy or postpartum mood disorder, or worry that you may be at risk of developing it, please download my free booklets below.
See each specific webpage to download one or many.
I highly recommend Dr. Allen! She is warm and so easy to talk to. She has lots of knowledge about women’s health.
Kathryn Gardner, LCSW
Excellent Therapist!
Dr. Allen is a colleague of mine and she is an excellent therapist. She is warm, caring, and exceptional at her work. I refer clients to Dr. Allen and I highly recommend her if you are looking for a top notch therapist.
Jodi Petchenik, LCSW
Sarah Transformed Our Family’s Sleep and Sanity
My baby didn’t sleep. She wouldn’t sleep more than a couple of hours at night and no more than 30 minutes during the day. I was completely overwhelmed and my husband and I were at each other’s throats. I was supposed to be going back to work but was barely functioning. Sarah helped us to learn how to get our baby sleeping and then she supported me in my transition back to work. She also helped my husband and I navigate how to share childcare and running the house fairly. She is a very knowledgeable therapist and has really helped us.
Pam. L.
Dr. Allen Helped Me to Feel More Empowered
Dr. Allen has really helped me find my own voice. When I began therapy I would swing between being passive and doing whatever other people wanted me to do to being angry and frustrated. I have been on antidepressants for quite a few years but it wasn’t really working. Through therapy I have learned to listen to my own needs and to speak up. I used to worry that people wouldn’t like me if I didn’t agree with them but when Dr. Allen gave me the support I needed I challenged my fears. I spend a lot less time feeling angry and depressed now and I have really widened my social network. This is how I have always wanted to be but didn’t know how to get there. Dr. Allen has a very reassuring manner and makes you challenge yourself but by using small steps so you feel ready to do it. I have really come out of my shell and would recommend anyone who is feeling depressed to come and talk with her.
Rebecca F.
Trusted & Knowledgeable Therapist.
When I need to refer any of my patients for talk therapy I immediately think of Dr. Allen as she is wonderful at helping people with severe and complex issues really get to the root of their problems. She is very caring and knowledgeable and I have found her extensive experience really helps people to change their lives for the better.
Dr. Teresa Poprawski
Dr. Allen is an expert in treating perinatal mood disorders.
I refer as many patients as I can to Dr. Allen. She is an expert in treating perinatal mood disorders, and a well-trained and experienced therapist who is committed to working with her clients to develop a treatment plan designed for each individual. She exhibits genuine warmth, kindness and compassion for each of her clients. Dr. Allen has been a colleague of mine for more than 20 years, and I have great confidence when I refer patients to her.
Leslie Lowell Stoutenburg
I become empowered and a happier person.
I began seeing Dr. Allen when my first child was around a year old. I had experienced a very traumatic birth, after a difficult pregnancy where I was on bed rest for a good portion of the time. The first year of my son’s life was spent worrying constantly. I also experienced flashbacks to the birth, which was an emergency C-section under general anesthesia. My son was in the NICU for several days following his birth, and I was not given very much information as to why. I remember thinking that he would die, or that something awful was going to happen.
I experienced a great deal of anxiety that first year, and I thought that it was due to being a new mom. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating as normal, and I remember being worried about leaving the house or taking my baby with me anywhere. I worried constantly about illness, germs, etc.
The first day that I saw Dr. Allen, she gave me some questionnaires to fill out before we started talking. Then we sat down and talked about my experiences with my son’s birth and the early days of his life, and the year or so since then. I remember to this day the relief that I felt when she looked at me and said that I had PPD and PTSD, which was a result of the trauma I experienced during and immediately after the birth of my son. She explained how my brain had reacted to the stress of these events, and related it to why I was feeling the way that I felt. It made so much sense. Then, she described ways that I could get over the trauma, work through the feelings, and recover from PTSD and PPD. I felt so empowered, and so happy that the way I felt had a name, and that it was treatable. It also made me feel so validated in the ways that I had felt and reacted following my son’s birth. I wasn’t going crazy. My reaction was normal and natural. And with the help of Dr. Allen, and the type of therapy that she uses, I knew I could recover.
It is over five years since that first visit with Dr. Allen, and I still use the tools that she taught me today to deal with stress. I credit her with helping me to become a more empowered, happier person.
Elizabeth
Overcoming PPD with Dr. Sarah’s Support
When I had my first baby I had what I now know was postpartum depression but I didn’t get any help. It did go away after about 18mths but it was a miserable way to begin motherhood. When I was pregnant with my second child I started to become depressed again and this time told my OB/GYN how I was feeling and she referred me to Sarah. By starting to deal with how I felt and change the way I was handling the stresses in my life, I was in a much better place when my baby was born. The second time round my PPD was much less severe and didn’t last as long.
Sarah was also really helpful in teaching me ways to make the transition of becoming a big sister easier for my oldest one too. My husband came with me for some sessions and that really helped our relationship and we started working on parenting issues together. Sarah’s counsel and support really helped our family transition to the good place we are all in today.
