Family Counseling

Many of my clients, especially ones with children, tell me that weekends can often be a stressful time because of all the things that need to get done. They have the expectation that weekends are for relaxation but by Sunday evening they are left frazzled and fed up because they crammed everything in last minute or argued with their partner for not pulling their weight with the chores.

I have to admit I used to feel the same when my kids were little but then I made some changes to how I set up my expectations and it helped. I have shared these tips with many clients over the years and got lots of feedback that it has really worked for them too so want to share them with you.

Get Some Structure To Your Weekend

 

When I start mentioning structuring weekends to clients I often hear “But weekends are supposed to be relaxing. Who wants a schedule at weekends?” but I am not talking about heavily scheduling your weekend.

 

Here’s how to do it and why some structure works.

I suggest sitting with your partner on a Friday evening and break the weekend into 6 blocks; Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and then the same for Sunday. Write a list of to-dos and who is going to be responsible for what and then schedule them into the blocks of time. You and your partner aren’t mind-readers so taking time to discuss what you both want out of the weekend helps you achieve it.

It also works because by knowing what needs to be done and planning it makes you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

Following a loose schedule can avoid one partner feeling overwhelmed and the other feeling nagged and ambushed, it’s smart for both to make your expectations known.

 

Communicate With Your Partner

 

Many women keep the to-do list in their heads and not written down so their partner is blissfully unaware and is looking forward to a relaxing weekend because they think they don’t have anything to do. This leaves the woman overwhelmed and probably irritated that she has to do “everything” and seems to be the only responsible one so has to take on the role of “nag” to get any help.

 

If you both write down your expectations of the weekend no one needs to mind-read and this aids communication. It’s a rare person who sees a list of 20 to-dos written down and says ‘’I’ll do those 3 and you do the rest” but if the list is only in your head, your partner doesn’t know what is expected of them.

Creating a schedule helps couples decide together what needs to get done and how best to use the time they have left to spend with the family and of course some time alone.

 

Don’t Forget To Build In Time For Fun and Relaxation

Life of course shouldn’t be just about chores and errands.

I think a great weekend contains 3 things: alone time, couple time and family time.

Not necessarily the same amount of time for each but get all of them in there somewhere and so you are not just spend your whole time doing errands, chores and sports practices.

Some alone time for each person to do whatever they want is a must; exercise, meet a friend for coffee or even play video games if that’s your thing.

We all need a bit of alone time to de-stress or else life is one long drudge punctured by exhaustion.  

Couple time doesn’t necessarily mean date night if funds for a babysitter are short. Get the kids in bed early, not up late because it is the weekend and order in take-out for just you and your partner and sit down and be able to have a conversation alone.

Lastly, family time is very important. You had kids because you wanted a family so slow down and enjoy  them by doing something fun together. Do you want your kids to have memories of family fun or how good mom is at doing laundry. I know laundry needs to be done but family time doesn’t have to be a big event like going to the zoo. Go kick a ball around in the back yard or sit and play a board game for 45 minutes.

Here is an interview I did with Reader’s Digest where I discussed these tips. I hope you find them helpful too!

 

I see clients in my Northbrook office or for your convenience, via telephone or internet sessions

If you would like to come to see me to learn more ways to communicate better and improve your relationships

please phone 847 791-7722 or email me below

 

A new study published in the March issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry found that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective anxiety treatment for teens, either alone or in combination with the antidepressant sertraline (Zoloft).

“The results of this study provide further evidence of the benefits of cognitive behavioral therapy and SSRI medication, alone or in combination, for treating clinically significant anxiety in children and adolescents”, said the study’s author, Dr. John Piacentini of the University of California.

Our kids live in an area where there is a high level of achievement, both academic and sports-related, and this brings a lot of stress in to their lives. I have been using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques with teens and adults for the last 20 years for anxiety issues relating to test and performance anxiety, social anxiety as well with people who describe themselves as general worriers. I find it by far the most useful treatment for anxiety.

CBT teaches why anxiety happens and gives you tools for dealing with symptoms which helps you feel more in control of your anxiety. Medication can be beneficial in reducing severe anxiety to a level that someone can take on board how to use these techniques and coping strategies and over time, medication can be reduced or stopped as the person feels less anxiety. All medications have some side effects and it is better to learn to use CBT techniques that empower you to manage and reduce your worries.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health issue in children and adolescents. It is often overlooked but anxiety can significantly impair children’s school, social, and family functioning. Also, if untreated, anxiety can increase the risk of experiencing depression, substance abuse, as well as occupational difficulties in adulthood.

To find out more about coping with anxiety and worrying  download my free booklet Simple Steps To Overcome Anxiety & Worrying  use the sign up form below the book.

When clients first come in to see me, the main concerns that come up again and again are:

1. How can I feel less stressed, angry and overwhelmed?
2. What should I do if I feel panicky?
3. How can I stop worrying about everything on my “to do” list….

So I put together a booklet with some strategies I am always giving to my clients to help them begin to feel less anxiety and to worry less.

I hope that you will find it helpful too.

Add your first name and email address in the box below and you will be sent the steps to download your FREE book.

Please let me know if  you have any questions after reading the booklet. Also, if you would like to read more, I have several blog posts on my blog about anxiety and other issues that can affect the way you feel.

If you have any concerns that your teenager has an anxiety disorders contact me at 847 791-7722 or on the form below.